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The Undeniable Ruth

Peeing in Public while Non-binary

https://www.flickr.com/photos/taedc/42153342040
Photo by tedeytan from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

So many issues related to people who are not heterosexual or cisgender come down to two issues: what to wear and where to pee. I’m non-binary. I was assigned female at birth (AFAB), but I had my birth certificate corrected last year. Where do I pee?

I Don’t Want to Die

My first rule for using the bathroom in public is, “Pick the bathroom where you’re least likely to get killed.” That may seem funny at first, but it’s a serious issue when you look at the incidents of violence against and murders of transgender persons.  

Gender Neutral Bathrooms “in the Wild”

When possible, I prefer to use a gender-neutral bathroom. When I don’t know where the bathroom is in a particular location, I’ll ask an employee, “Where’s your gender-neutral bathroom?” to see (1) how they react to the question and (2) whether they actually have one.

At many places, the gender-neutral bathroom is also the family bathroom or bathroom for persons with disabilities. Even at the public pool, I use the family bathroom instead of a locker room to get changed.

Sometimes, using the gender-neutral bathroom is the fastest way to use the toilet because cisgender people will automatically wait in line for other bathrooms. Last year, I attended an event at Symphony Hall. During intermission, dozens of people were waiting in line for each bathroom. I asked an usher where the gender-neutral bathroom was, and they directed me to a nearby single-user bathroom with no line.

Whichever Bathroom has the Shortest Line

My general rule for situations where there is no gender-neutral bathroom and there’s no safety issue is to use whichever bathroom has the shortest line, which is usually the men’s room. I can pee standing up. Ok it’s with a shewee, but still, I can do it!

Early on after realizing I was non-binary, I reached out to a few larger venues in the Phoenix to inquire about their bathroom policies to see how accepting they were. Surprisingly, Scottsdale Fashion Square told me that I could use whichever bathroom I felt most comfortable using. The Arizona Diamondbacks said that they have few gender-neutral bathrooms and those were the ones I should use. I’ve walked laps around that stadium. If the nearest gender-neutral bathroom is off in B.F.E. compare to my seat, I’m using the closest bathroom.

Gendered Bathrooms – But Go Wherever

There are public bathrooms, like the ones in Target, that are labeled for a single gender – men or women – but that have a policy that allows people to use whichever bathroom they want. The one time I needed to use the bathroom and I was set on using the men’s room, it was closed for cleaning.

When a company has a policy like this, I wonder why they don’t just say, “These are bathrooms. Use whichever one you want.”

All-Gender Bathrooms

I’m a fan of the water closet model for public bathrooms. Each stall has floor-to-ceiling walls and doors so you can’t see anything that’s going on in the stall next to you. You get as much privacy as one can get in a public bathroom.

Last week I attended the mastermind event, Shankminds Live, in Las Vegas. The venue had one gender-neutral bathroom with five water closet stalls. At first a few people seemed a little weirded out by being in a bathroom with people of another gender, but after a few moments, they realized it was a non-issue. When I asked my fellow Shankminders about the bathroom after the event, several people (men and women) responded that gender neutral bathrooms should be the norm everywhere.

One thing I will note about the bathroom at Shankminds is there were no urinals. From what I’ve heard from guy friends, some penis-havers like urinals – really like them. They like them so much, they wish they had one in their home.

I respect that some people would be sad if switching to all gender-neutral bathrooms meant losing the chance to pee at a urinal, but that doesn’t have to be the case. I know of at least one all-gender bathroom at a club called The Mint where there is a urinal area where people can pee standing up where they won’t be seen by the water closet users.

Remember: You all have gender-neutral bathrooms in your home. Sharing a toilet with another gender hasn’t killed any of us yet. It’s only an issue if you make it one.

LGBTQ Bills Introduced in Arizona

I did a quick search on the proposed bill for this session in the Arizona legislature and saw that there are at least five bills that are related to LGBTQ rights. I am hopeful that we’ll see progress this year.

HB2289: Non-binary Driver’s Licenses

This bill is my baby. This bill will allow the MVD to issue non-binary driver’s licenses and identification cards. All you would nee to do to prove your gender is to submit an affidavit that says you are non-binary.

This bill has the same verbiage as last year’s bill that died in committee. I was ecstatic to see that this bill has 16 sponsors, but then I saw that it was similar to the number of sponsors it had last year. They are all Democrats, but I believe some Republicans will be willing to support this bill, if for no other reason, because so many other states offer non-binary birth certificates and driver’s licenses. We’re going to have people who move here who only present non-binary documents. If the State refuses to issue non-binary driver’s licenses to these people, they’re asking for a lawsuit.

HB2156: LGBTQ Equality in Employment

It’s almost shocking that this isn’t a law yet. This bill will prohibit employers from discriminating against employees based on gender, gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation, or marital status.

My first job in Arizona was for the Maricopa County Department of Public Health. At orientation, the presenter went on and on about how they wanted everyone to feel comfortable working for the county and we should report any issues. I flipped to the back of the employee handbook to read the County’s non-discrimination policy. My heart sank when I saw that it didn’t include sexual orientation. This bill will prevent others from having the same experience and provide recourse against bigoted employers.

SB1047: Conversion Therapy Ban

If only one of these bills becomes a law, I bet it will be this bill that will make conversion therapy illegal for anyone under 18 years old. Conversion therapy for minors is already banned in 15 states and Washington D.C. Arizona, and every state, should be on this list. This bill also has support from both Democrats and Republicans.

HB2290: Death Certificates

This will require death certificates issued in Arizona to reflect the decedent’s gender identity. The murder rate in the transgender community is alarming, and there are issues with the police and the press mis-gendering victims as well as using the person’s “dead” name. This bill will require the state to acknowledge the person’s correct gender if it has been changed on a legal document. If the deceased has multiple documents with different genders, the gender on the most recently issued one will be used.

Not every transgender person has their gender or name legally changed, so this bill may not help them, but it will help those who have gone through the process. In Arizona, if you are female-to-male or male-to-female transgender, you can legally change your gender on your driver’s license and social security record.

HB2381: Crime Statistics

The Department of Public Safety collects information about whether prejudice played a role in a crime. Currently it collects data about prejudice based on race, color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, and disability. This bill will add gender identity and gender expression to this list. Hopefully this will lead to more complete statistics.

It’s encouraging to see Arizona lawmakers being so progressive. This is only the beginning of the legislative process. Each bill will have to get through committee and then receive a simple majority vote in the Arizona House (31 votes) and Senate (16 votes) before it will go to the Governor’s desk for a signature.

Everyday Non-binary Challenges

Earlier this week, I was featured in an article where agender and non-binary people (not male or female) debunked myths about our identities. I got to share some the everyday challenges I face as a non-binary person in a binary-centric society. I want to use this week’s post to expand on some of these experiences.

TSA

Almost every time I go to the airport, I set off the body scanner and need to be pat down, even if I’m am in cotton from head to toe. The TSA’s policy is to have an officer of the same gender pat down the passenger. Usually after I step through the scanner, the female-looking officer reaches for me and I say, “I’m not a woman.” Then the male-looking officer reaches of me and I say, “I’m not a man.”

That’s usually when they look at each other with puzzled faces, telepathically trying to decide what to do next. Sometimes they call a supervisor. Sometimes they ask, “Who would you like to pat you down?” One TSA officer said, “You have to pick one,” and I retorted, “No, I don’t.”

For most flights, I wear my binder to get through security and then head to the gender-neutral bathroom to take it off before my flight. It’s not the most comfortable thing to wear for hours on a plane, and I tend to start overheating when I wear it for more than four hours.

Speaking of airports, why do we have to specify male or female when we buy a plane ticket? I called my airline and asked what a customer should do if they have a non-binary driver’s license. The representative said the TSA checks if your name and birthdate match your ticket. They don’t check your gender. I’m tempted to mark “male” the next time I buy a ticket and see what happens. I only know of one situation where a male was named “Ruth” and it’s a dragon, so it will probably be easy enough to tell TSA I picked the wrong gender if they notice the disparity between my ticket and my driver’s license.

“Ma’am”

I was raised with Star Trek, so I’ve always preferred “sir” over “ma’am.” In the last two years, I’ve become more aware that there is not a gender-neutral option for these terms. (I’ve given some thought to what that term should be but that’s a topic for a different post.)

I tend to get the most annoyed when I’m on the phone with customer service. They’re trying to be respectful by calling me “ma’am,” and it makes my skin crawl every time I hear it. My desire to get my needs me and finish the call as fast as possible is usually stronger than my desire to tell the representative that I’m non-binary. It’s not as if the company would know my gender the next time I call anyway, so I don’t bother correcting them. I just cringe and finish the call as quickly as I can.

In group settings, I’ve tried to train myself not to react when I hear someone say, “ma’am,” much like how someone who’s legally changed their name learns to tune out and not respond when someone uses their dead name. My perspective is, if they’re using “ma’am” they can’t mean me. Doing this has nearly had adverse consequences once, involving light rail security. (But that’s a different story.)

No Option for “Mx.”

The gender-neutral alternative to Mr. or Miss/Ms./Mrs. is Mx. (pronounced like “mix”). It’s in my email signature so people know what to use, but I’ve never seen “Mx.” on a form. I suspect a lot of people don’t know about it.

For the State Bar, I tried to change my first name in their listing from “Ruth” to “Mx. Ruth,” so when someone looked me up, it would say “Mx. Ruth Carter.” I got a call within minutes of making that change on my State Bar profile from a representative who understood what I was trying to do, but who said I couldn’t change my name on their website like that.

I get the same frustration when I have to fill out a form that asks for gender and they only have “male” and “female” options. I’d love to see “non-binary” as an option, but I’m satisfied with a option for “other.”  

I face challenges with being non-binary every day. Some are more draining than others. If I’m having a particularly rough day, I find this video validating: h

Frequently, I send it to people who don’t “get it” when someone says they’re non-binary. I appreciate that they say it’s ok to be confused.

If you have any questions about my experiences as a non-binary person, I’m happy to answer them, as long as you ask respectfully.

Winter Swimming is for Masochists

I’ve never doubted that I’m a masochist. Between being a gymnast, going to law school, getting 14 piercings, and now being a triathlete, I’ve put a lot of time and money into torturing myself for fun.

Winter swimming is definitely in the category of being an act of masochism.

This is my pool – steam coming off the water at 6am.

I live in the desert. Compared to the rest of the U.S., it usually doesn’t get that cold here in the winter. As a result, my blood has thinned since I lived in the Pacific Northwest. When it gets cold here, I feel extra cold. When I walk my dog on these chilly mornings, I’m bundled in running tights, jeans, socks, long sleeves, a sweatshirt, and a hat. I don’t wear that many layers to the pool, instead opting for sweatpants, a long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt, and a hat over my swim suit, and only flip flops on my feet.

When it’s 45 degrees outside, going to the outdoor pool is chilly experience. When the temperature is in the low 30s, it’s almost painful. It’s basically a reverse polar plunge to strip off my outer layers and jump in the water.

Recently, I went to the pool when it was 36 degrees outside. As I waited for the staff to open the door at 6am, I shot a quick video to send to my coach:

It’s 36 degrees outside.

I’m wearing flip flops.

My lips are blue.

I’m going swimming.

Fuck you, David.

Don’t worry it’s not offensive. My coach has a not-so-secret goal of making his athletes curse his name. I enjoy the challenge of training, so it’s rare that he gets me to curse. I’m sure a giant grin spread across his face when he saw this. (Every masochist needs a sadist.)

Coach David and Athlete, Post Swim at the Atlantic Ocean (July 2018)

The pool itself is heated, but it’s not hot. Typically, when it’s this cold, it takes about a lap before I can fully feel my hands and get used to the temperature. The other day, a fellow masochistic swimmer jumped in the water before me.

“Is it warm?” I asked.

“It’s refreshing,” he responded.

That means “No.” I put on my goggles and jumped in, submerging my whole body. When I resurfaced, I looked him and said, “It’s infuriating.”

By the time I finished my first two laps, the water felt fine, but the experience of getting to that level of comfort shows how much we really want to be there.

Of course, getting out of the pool is the reverse experience – going from the comfortable heated water back onto the freezing cold pool deck, this time soaking wet. I stay outside only long enough to step into my flip flop, throw my towel around myself, and head inside to the family bathroom.

In the summer, when I get out of the water, I pull on my short over my wet bathing suit and sit on my towel to drive home. That is not happening in the winter. I want to get out of that wet swim suit and dry as soon as possible. I usually peel of my swim suit and throw it across the room to the sink before toweling off and pulling on my warm sweats. I wrap my wet suit in my towel and drive home with the heat blowing through the vents.

Why do I go swimming outside in the winter (besides being a masochist)? I’m training for my first Half Ironman, and training doesn’t take a day off because it’s cold. Seeing consistent improvement in my time and technique makes it all worth it.

I Minimized My Hair

Love my new fuzzy head.

For me, being a minimalist means that, when something doesn’t add value to my life, I get rid of it. Every January, I flip all the hangers in my closet, and only flip each one back after I’ve worn the garment. At the end of the year, whatever garments that still haven’t been flipped back are removed from my closet. This year, along with the hanger flip, I put all my t-shirts in a box and they’ll go back in the drawer only after I’ve worn them. There’s no point in holding onto clothes I don’t wear.

A few months ago, I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror each morning. My hair was doing nothing for me. No matter what I did, I didn’t like it, nor did I like having to put energy into styling it each day. On the mornings I went swimming, I didn’t bother styling it. I rocked my bedhead to the pool. It was going to get wet and messed up anyway.

The Decision

After weeks of frustration and doing my last photoshoot of 2018, I decided to shave my head – and commit to keeping it that way for at least a year. I went to the salon and had them run a number zero clipper all over my head.

Awh…much better.

Living Buzzed

For the most part, I like having a buzzed head. From the moment I wake up, my hair is ready to go. I wash my hair with my shampoo bar (affiliate link) after getting out of the pool, but otherwise, I spend no time on my hair day-to-day.

I find myself rubbing my head when I’m stressed. I like the way it feels, and I never have to worry about messing it up.

In terms of wardrobe, buzzed head works with my typical jeans and t-shirts wardrobe. I feel like a badass when I wear a tank top. The only time it’s been a challenge was when I was picking out my outfits to perform in Rev. Patrick’s Holiday Concert. I felt unbalanced wearing a big sparkling gown with my no hair. There was too great of a contrast, much like when I tried to wear dangly earrings with super-short hair in my younger days. It works for some people but not for others. I’m one of the others. (I haven’t changed the studs in my ears for years.)

What worked for me instead of a gown was a jumpsuit. I’ve always been a fan of them. I’d love to have a Star Trek-inspired jumpsuit for everyday wear.

Maintenance

When my hair shifts from feeling fuzzy to being soft like crushed velvet, I re-shave it, usually every 10-12 days. I purchased a set of clippers so I can maintain my hair myself. I felt nervous before I shaved my head myself for the first time, but it’s really fun. And I learned the hard way you can cut your ear with clippers.

Typically, two factors determine when I shave my head again:

  1. Whether I have a bike or run workout the next day. I keep my hair until that workout is done to keep my head a little warmer. (I also wear a hat for workouts in the winter, but it’s chilly out there!)
  2. When I have enough time to shave my head and vacuum the floor. Even with almost no hair, buzzing my head leaves a mess all over my bathroom.

No Regrets

I have no regrets about shaving my head for a year. It’s so easy. I like how it looks, and more importantly, I like how it feels – physically and emotionally. Some of my friends have been less than supportive, saying that I look better with hair, and maybe that’s true. But I’m the one who has to live with it.

For now, I’m happier without hair.

Undeniable Recap of 2018

It’s been a busy year, and I’ve barely blogged a thing. Sorry about that. I’ll do better in 2019.

I’m glad I keep my jar of happy memories next to my bed to remind me of all the good things that happened this year. Sometimes with everything that was happening in the world, it was challenging to remember that everything doesn’t suck all the time. So many good things happened that I had to do more than a top five list:

Top 5 Events

1. Non-Binary Birth Certificate: I am officially legally non-binary! I had my California birth certificate corrected and re-issued, so now it states that I’m non-binary. For now, I can’t get a non-binary driver’s license in Arizona, but I’m working on it. I hope to influence the State to pass a bill that will allow non-binary birth certificates and driver’s licenses next session. Having a non-binary birth certificate also makes me want to go to states that have passed “bathroom bills” and ask where my restroom is.

2. First Marathon and Triathlon: I finished a marathon this past January. By Mile 20, I was hurting but also planning for my next race (which will be in February 2019). During the off season, I had Coach David add biking and swimming to my workouts for cross training. A few months later I signed up for my first sprint triathlon – just to see if I liked it. Less than 100 yards into the swim I thought, “Yeah, I like this.”

3. Christopher Creek Lodge Vacation: I shipped Rosie and myself away from society for a few days to stay at a cabin with bad wi-fi. We spent a lot of time reading, watching nature, rejuvenating, and getting my creative energy flowing again. It was what I needed.

4. Open Water Swim with the Jewish Swim Club: When I started swimming this year, Coach David asked, “What’s the goal?” I responded that I wanted to hold my own “with the Jews.” (Note: When I started my swim workouts in April, the furthest I could swim the first day was 75 yards.) During the summer, David and his friends swim in the ocean off Brighton Beach, sometimes a mile or more.

By the end of June David asked when I was coming to visit. I did a whirlwind trip, flying across the country on Thursday, to go swimming at 7am on Friday, and be back home in less than 24 hours. It was an awesome trip, including the swim. This was my first real open water swim, and I had a bit of a panic attack at the start. Once I realized I would never find my cadence in the waves, I was fine.

5. I Became an Oggy:  A few months ago, my sister had a baby. (I can’t wait to meet the little human.) If they don’t post photos of the little one for seven days, I send my sister and brother-in-law an email that says, “Send proof of infant.”

I had to figure out what I am to my nibling (collective term for niece/nephew). There is no gender-neutral term for aunt/uncle. I adopted a term from another non-binary person: “Oggy” (rhymes with “doggy”). I like being “Oggy Ruth.”

Honorable Mentions

Seeing Dan Savage Live: If you ever get the chance to see him speak, go.

Blind Rosie: Rosie went blind a few weeks ago, and we had to remove her other eye. She was in surgery a few hours after waking up blind that day. When I brought her home, she was bit freaked out by the protective cone she had to wear, and she refused to walk. My neighbors, Sarah and Thomas, came to my rescue and helped carry Rosie into the house when we got home. Since then, we’ve both adjusted to blind basset life. She’s such a trooper.

Rescue Dogs at CMWorld: Last year at Content Marketing World, I asked for rescue dogs in the expo hall. (Everyone loves dogs, right?) This year, they made it happen! One of the happy hours was “Yappy Hour” where, for a donation, we got to pet adoptable dogs from City Dogs Cleveland. I hope it becomes a standard part of the event.

Skateboarding: Last year, the crew at Content Marketing World bought me a penny skateboard. This year, I learned how to ride it – with lessons, pads, and the whole she-bang. I also bought a proper board. I love riding my board. When I’m skateboarding, I literally can’t think about anything else, otherwise the risk of falling is too great. I’ll tell you the whole story next year.

Firsts in 2018

Fostered a dog for a week – and learned that Rosie’s meant to be an only child.

Peleton class – at the flagship studio

Ebay listing – sold my BarBri books

Rubber bands on my Invisalign trays

SlotZilla Zip Line

Settlement conference

Deposition

Garmin watch

Amazon affiliate link

Seeing Chicago’s Second City perform

Visit to Bart Simpson Bust

Being told I look like a young Richard Gere by the clerk at JJ Hat Center

Swimming in the Atlantic Ocean, Lake Erie, and Tempe Town Lake (Yes, I was up-to-date on my tetanus shot. No, I didn’t get super powers.)

Events: Intelligent Content Conference, American Alliance of Museums conference

Attempts to be a Better Human (affiliate link): Reusable produce bags and jars, Bringing my own container to the store for Rosie’s chicken, Zero waste deodorant, Bamboo toothbrush, Menstrual cup

Foods: Making beans from dried, vegan pancakes, Daiya Cheddar Style Cheezy Mac (not bad), Lenny & Larry’s The Complete Cookie – Chocolate Chip (not worth it), overnight oats, Just Desserts vegan chocolate midnight cupcake (delicious but soooo sweet), chia seed pudding (meh), Café Indigo vegan carrot cake (yum)

Celebrity Sightings

Margaret Cho

Elizabeth Smart

Dan Savage

Tina Fey

In Memoriam

Stephen Hawking

Harry Anderson

Larry Dolan

Kate Spade

Anthony Bourdain

Aretha Franklin

Elena Shushunova

John McCain

Mary Sigler

Burt Reynolds

Jay Bottomlee

Stan Lee

Penny Marshall

My 2019 Reading List

Included in the scary lofty goals I set for 2019, I have a stack of books I want to read. Everyone has a stack of books on their bedside table, right? I’m excited to dig into these books and spend less time mindlessly watching videos online. Here’s what’s on my reading list, in no particular order.

Note: These are all affiliate links. If you click on a link and purchase any of these books, you’ll pay the same as everyone else, but I’ll get a small commission.

My Bedside Book Stack

Content Inc.: How Entrepreneurs Use Content to Build Massive Audiences and Create Radically Successful Business by Joe Pulizzi
As the godfather of content marketing, when Joe Pulizzi speaks, I shut up and listen. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing him speak since joining the Content Marketing World family in 2015. I come away from each of his talks with pages of ideas and actionable steps to apply to my content. After devouring Killing Marketing earlier this year, I’m excited to read this book.

 

Break the Wheel: Question Best Practices, Hone Your Intuition, and Do Your Best Work by Jay Acunzo
I started following Jay Acunzo’s podcast, Unthinkable, after seeing him speak at Content Marketing World. I spent many mornings running with his interviews with non-traditional entrepreneurs in my ears. He highlights people who found success by ignoring “best practices” and doing what made sense for them. I believe my intuition is never wrong (though sometimes inaccurate), and I look forward to reading about other entrepreneurs who follow their gut instincts.

 

Body of Work: Finding the Thread That Ties Your Story Together by Pamela Slim
I consider Pam Slim to be one of my entrepreneurial mentors. I lovingly call her “Aunt Pam.” She has exceptional business instincts and she’s nurturing of others. Many entrepreneurs do a lot of different types of work and this book should help me tell my story effectively and “continually reinvent and relaunch [my] brand.”

 

The Definition of Success: What Living Homeless Can Teach You by Derek Snook
I heard about this book at Content Marketing World this year. Derek Snook voluntary became one of the people he was trying to help in order to learn how to best provide for their actual needs, rather than speculate what their needs are as an outsider looking in. Additionally, I’m drawn to the belief that the definition of “success” is personal. As a minimalist, I know my definition of success has nothing to do with the car I drive or what jewelry I wear.

 

The Storytelling Edge: How to Transform Your Business, Stop Screaming into the Void, and Make People Love You by Joe Lazauskas and Shane Snow
I was impressed by Joe Lazauskas’ talk on storytelling at the Intelligent Content Conference this year. I hope this book will help me engage and connect with my audience by telling more powerful stories related to my work.

 

With Lolly the Llama

Talk Triggers: The Complete Guide to Creating Customers with Word of Mouth by Jay Baer and Daniel Lemin
I loved Jay Baer’s talk on talk triggers at Content Marketing World this year. These are things that companies do to get people to talk about them – like the chocolate chip cookie you get when you check into the Doubletree Hilton hotel or how everything at Content Marketing World is orange. Jay’s book has llamas on the front and he sent it to me with stuffed llama toy. I’m curious to read the book and learn about the connection.

 

Side Hustle: From Idea to Income in 27 Days by Chris Guillebeau
I like Chris Guillebeau because he seems like a quiet guy in person, but beneath that calm exterior, he’s dripping with grit and determination. I started reading this book a few months ago and it lays out what you can do day-by-day to bring an idea to market in under a month. Reading his work helps me not get bogged down in the minutiae of creating a “perfect” product but rather focus on bringing the minimum viable product to market and revise based on actual customer feedback.

 

Your Brightest Life Journal: A Creative Guide to Becoming Your Best Self by Caroline Kelso Zook
Earlier this year, I bought Jason and Caroline Zook’s future. I paid a flat fee and every time they come out with a new product or service, I automatically get it. I’ve used Jason’s products in the past, and it made sense to make this investment. This is my first Caroline-create product and I’m excited to see her thoughts. I think I might be like her – someone who was hesitant to get into the product-creation business, but willing to try because she had something of value to offer.

 

The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future by Kevin Kelly and Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport
I picked up these two books at an invite-only event for lawyers called TBD Law that was only open to forward thinking practitioners. Other attendees spoke well of both books. I’m all for more focused work and success, especially with everything I have on my plate.

 

DMCA Handbook for Online Service Providers, Websites, and Copyright Owners by Connie Mableson
Connie Mableson is a lawyer and a colleague who works in my building. She knows the DMCA forwards and backwards, and I’m always looking for resources that will make me a better practitioner and help my client be more effective in protecting their intellectual property.

 

The E-Myth Attorney: Why Most Legal Practices Don’t Work and What to Do About It by Michael Gerber, Robert Armstrong, and Sanford Fisch
I read the general E-Myth book early in my experience as an entrepreneur and I was enormously helpful. It helped me think about creating systems and a master document for how my business should be run. I hope this book gives me suggestions about how to be a more effective business owner.

 

Alight and Alone by Scott Sigler
These are the second and third books in the Generations Trilogy Series. I’ve already read the first book, Alive. I rarely read fiction because my brain knows it’s not real, so it doesn’t easily remember the storyline. Scott Sigler is one of the few writers who captivates my attention. If you like sci-fi, I highly recommend him. I’ll be reading Alone along with the audio version of the book that he put out via his podcast.

 

Books I’m Re-visiting in 2019
Killing Marketing: How Innovative Businesses are Turning Marketing Costs into Profit by Joe Pulizzi and Robert Rose
I devoured this book in three days while Rosie and I were on vacation this year. The pages are filled with underlined passages and notes in the margins. I came away from it teeming with ideas for creating more blog content. I’ll definitely be going back to review my notes.

 

Zombie Loyalists: Using Great Service to Create Rabid Fans by Peter Shankman
I’m interested in doing more research and speaking about integrity. As a lawyer, I know there’s a huge difference between what someone can do and what they should do. So many issues (legal and otherwise) would be prevented if people merely did the right thing. I know this book has many examples of companies doing the right thing by their customers, at least after a substantial misstep.

What’s on your reading list?

Arizona Candidates Support Non-Binary Rights

Earlier this year, I had my California birth certificate corrected to state that I’m non-binary (meaning I’m not a man or a woman). When I went to my local Arizona Motor Vehicle Department to get my FAA-compliant ID that we’re all required to get by 2020, they denied my application even though I brought all the requisite documents. By law, the Arizona Department of Transportation only acknowledge two genders: male and female. The system cannot process an application with “X” for the sex or gender.

Contacting the Candidates

Arizona needs to update its laws to acknowledge that non-binary people exist. As of this date, seven states and Washington D.C. will issue non-binary birth certificates and/or driver’s licenses. I may have been the first person to present a non-binary ID, but I will not be the last.

I contacted all 176 candidates running to represent Arizona in the U.S. Congress and to serve in the Arizona Senate and House of Representatives (via email, their website, or Facebook), told them about this situation, and asked them two questions:

  1. If elected, would you support a bill that would require the State (or federal government) to have a non-binary option on all identifications that specify sex or gender?
  2. If yes, would you be willing to sponsor such a bill?

Followed up with each candidate up to three times over the last three weeks or until I received a response.

The Results

I received “yes” answers to question #1 from 36 candidates (20% of candidates contacted), and only 50 of the 176 candidates I contacted gave me any type of response. I was delighted by the number of candidates who said they support changing the laws to acknowledge non-binary persons. Here’s the list of everyone who would support a bill to add a non-binary option to government IDs:

U.S. House of Representatives
District 3: Raul Grijalva (Democrat, Incumbent)

Arizona Senate
District 2: Andrea Dalessandro (Democrat, Incumbent)
District 5: J’aime Morgaine (Democrat)
District 7: JL Mealer (Republican)
District 9: Victoria Steele (Democrat)
District 10: David Bradley (Democrat, Incumbent)
District 11: Ralph Atchue (Democrat)
District 13: Michelle Harris (Democrat)
District 15: Kristin Dybvig-Pawelko (Democrat)
District 16: Benjamin Carmitchel (Democrat)
District 20: Douglas Ervin (Democrat)
District 27: Rebecca Rios (Democrat, Incumbent)
District 29: Martin Quezada (Democrat, Incumbent)

Arizona House of Representatives
District 1: Ed Gogek (Democrat) and Jan Manolis (Democrat)
District 3: Andres Cano (Democrat) and Beryl Baker (Green)
District 4: Sara Mae Williams (Green)
District 5: Mary Robinson (Democrat)
District 8: Carmen Casillas (Democrat) and Linda Gross (Democrat)
District 10: Kirsten Engel (Democrat, Incumbent)
District 11: Hollace Lyon (Democrat)
District 13: Thomas Tzitzura (Democrat)
District 15: Julie Gunnigle (Democrat) and Jennifer Samuels (Democrat)
District 18: Denise “Mitzi” Epstein (Democrat, Incumbent) and Jennifer Jermaine (Democrat)
District 19: Lorenzo Sierra (Democrat)
District 21: Gilbert Romero (Democrat)
District 22: Valerie Harris (Democrat)
District 23: Eric Kurland (Democrat)
District 24: Jennifer Longdon (Democrat)
District 28: Kelli Butler (Democrat, Incumbent) and Aaron Lieberman (Democrat)
District 29: Richard Andrade (Democrat, Incumbent)

In addition to these 35 supporters, a number of candidates responded to my emails by saying they would support such a bill, but because of the circumstances related to their race, they could not publicly support such a bill at this time. I respect people in this situation, and I will follow up with them after the election if they win.

Commitment to Sponsor a Bill

“Arizona Flag” by Gage Skidmore from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Of the 35 candidates who would support this bill, 31 of them said they would sponsor such a bill.

The main reasons given by those who would not commit to sponsoring a bill were either because they commitments related to other issues to pursue or because they would be a freshman official and they did not know enough about the process to sponsor a bill yet.

Other Responses

Here are some additional responses I received to my inquiries from candidates who said “yes” and “no” to supporting a bill for non-binary rights:

Kelli Butler: “Thank you for spearheading this effort! I was a co-sponsor of HB2492 last session and hope to win my election so I can co-sponsor the bill again. This is an important step for equality and respect for all and I was extremely disappointed that the bill never received a hearing.” (Democrat, District 28)

Hollace Lyon: “My first, ‘gut’ reaction to your story was, ‘Just because one doesn’t declare a sex, doesn’t mean they aren’t a person!’” (Democrat, District 11)

Julie Gunnigle: “I am very concerned about what this means for non-binary citizens and their fundamental right to travel (not to mention the bigger picture of equal treatment by their government).” (Democrat, District 15)

John Fillmore: “I do not think I can support this.” (Republican, District 16)

The responses from these candidates give me hope for the next legislative session in Arizona, that we’ll be able to pass a bill that will acknowledge that non-binary persons exist, similar to the bill that died in committee last year.

Shifting to Zero-Waste Living

I am trying to be a better human. I eat a mostly vegan diet because I don’t like the idea of an animal suffering for my lunch, and after seeing this turtle suffer, I never want to use a plastic straw again. Inspired by videos about zero-waste living and zero-waste beauty options, I’ve looked at the products I use on a daily basis, and tried to shift to more zero-waste products. I wanted to share some of the little changes I’ve made in my everyday life.

Please note, some of these items have affiliate links. This means if you follow the link and make a purchase, you pay the same as everyone else, but I get a small commission. Any link marked with an asterisk (*) is an affiliate link.

In the Bathroom

Plastic-Free Toilet Paper: It is difficult to find toilet paper where the rolls come wrapped in paper, not plastic, and they don’t come in a 48-roll box. I don’t want a year supply of toilet paper in my home. So far, I’ve only found individual paper-wrapped rolls for sale at Sprouts.

Zero-Waste Personal Products

Bamboo Toothbrush: We’re supposed to get a new toothbrush every three months. I was so happy to find bamboo toothbrushes*, in paper packaging. They come four to a box, and each toothbrush is numbered, so if you have multiple people in your house using them, you can avoid accidentally using someone else’s toothbrush. They have the same durability as any other toothbrush I’ve used.

Zero-Waste Deodorant:  No more plastic containers of deodorant for me. My zero-waste deodorant* comes in a glass jar. You use the little spatula in the jar to scoop a little onto your fingers and then put it on your armpits like lotion. It’s a deodorant, not an anti-perspirant, so it doesn’t stop you from sweating, but you don’t smell when you do.

Menstrual Cup: I will hopefully never have to buy tampons again. The menstrual cup* is a game-changer. Instead of using and throwing away three to six tampons a day during my cycle, I wear this reusable silicon cup inside my body and empty it two to three times a day. It took a few days to figure out the best way to remove it each time, but now it’s easy and convenient to use. Within a few months, this this has paid for itself because I haven’t had to buy tampons.

Safety Razor: I’ve always used razor cartridges that contained plastic, and I wanted to try an all-metal safety razor*. The angle is completely different than other razors I’ve used, and it’s just an exposed blade that’s cutting your hair. It’s easier to nick yourself. I still use my other razor for my armpits and bikini line, at least for now.

Shampoo Bar: This shampoo bar* works great. I rub it on the top my head a few times to build up a lather and spread it to all of my hair. I suspect it could last longer than a typical bottle of shampoo.

Around the House

Laundry Soap in a Box: Do you know how hard it is to find laundry soap that doesn’t come in a plastic bottle or a pod? It was challenging to find laundry powder* that comes in a recyclable box, but I found it. It works just fine.

Reusable Food Containers: I still have resealable plastic bags in my home, and I do use them on occasion, but I try to use reusable glass containers*, and sometimes plastic containers I’ve had for years, instead of single-use bags. When I use plastic bags, I try to reuse them whenever possible.

At the Office and Professional Outings

Bring my Recyclables Home: My office doesn’t recycle, so I bring home papers that don’t need to be shredded so they can be recycled. I have a designated pocket in my backpack for paper to be recycled.

BYO Silverware: The office kitchen has single-use plastic silverware. Instead of using those, I keep a regular spoon and a fork at my desk for eating my lunch and snacks.

BYO Water Bottle: I bring my own water bottle from home so I don’t have to drink water in plastic bottles.

Metal Travel Mug: I have two ceramic mugs at my desk that I use to hold hot beverages and snacks, but I also have a metal travel mug* that I use when going out for coffee or attending events so I don’t have to use a single-use cup and plastic lid.

Reusable Spork: One thing that is always in my backpack is my fold-able reusable spork* so I don’t have to use plastic silverware when I go to conferences.

Grocery Shopping

Rosie’s Chicken in Pyrex, fresh from the market

BYO Container for Meat: When I buy Rosie’s chicken, instead of buying meat in plastic and Styrofoam, I prefer to go to the meat counter and have them weigh the product and put it in a reusable glass container* I brought from home.

BYO Jars for Bulk Foods: I like shopping in the bulk foods section at Sprouts. I bring my pre-weighed glass jars to get what I need. I label each jar with the weight of the empty jar so the cashier can take off that weight and only charge me for the product at check-out.

Reusable Produce Bags: These reusable washable mesh bags are fantastic for produce. If a store gives a discount for bringing your own tote bags, they often give me a discount for each produce bag and jar I use.

What’s Next

Going forward, I want to keep exploring options to be a better steward to the planet. I want to try composting, but have substantial doubts about my ability to maintain my own composting bin, so I’m more likely to try a composting service.

I will also keep an eye out for zero-waste or plastic-free products. Once I run out of liquid hand soap, I’ll switch over to bar soap. I am interested in finding a zero-waste moisturizer. Putting coconut oil on my face sounds like a breakout waiting to happen. As I go through my day, I try to stay aware of when I use plastic products and look for zero-waste alternatives and/or ask brands to change to more sustainable packaging.

Planning my Dream House

For the last few years, I’ve thought about building a house from the ground up for my next home. I’m fascinated by homes that are off-the-grid, net positive, earthships, and tiny homes. I continue to strive to be a minimalist, and I’d like to have a low or zero waste lifestyle. A home should be in harmony with its surroundings and not a structure or a lifestyle that simply takes from the planet without giving anything back.

I would love to work with a minimalist architect who could design a space based on my actual needs now, and what I would likely need in the future. The idea of designing house around your lifestyle instead of fits your needs “well enough” intrigues and frightens me. The scary part is letting go of what I’ve been socialized to think a home needs and instead focus on what I need.

Recently, I saw a 13-part series called Building Green that followed the building of a green home from nothing. It inspired me to begin to think about my dream home in concrete terms. So far, I want a house with:

I want to watch the stars while laying in bed.
“meteo (missed focus)” by Kim MyoungSung from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Straw bale construction for the exterior walls covered in lime and earthen plaster and a steel frame – I know it sounds crazy, but it makes sense from a cost perspective, it’s great insulation, and it’s nearly fireproof. (I want a house where you rarely need to turn on the heat or air conditioning.)

Blue jean insulation for the interior walls. It’s made from recycled materials.

Lots of windows for natural light. I’d rather open a window than turn on a light. I suspect the house will need a wrap-around porch to let light in but keep harsh sun out.

Single story. I’m not climbing stairs.

Cement floors with radiant floor heating.

Skylight or windows in the bedroom that let me see the stars when I’m in bed and blackout curtains for when I want total darkness.

Whiteboard paint on the walls at least in my office.

Built-in bike and skateboard racks on the wall or ceiling.

Washer and dryer that are big enough to wash a king-size comforter.

Solar panels on the roof. Cheers to California for making these mandatory on all new homes.

Gray water system that uses the water from the sinks and showers and uses it to water the plants and a water collection system for collecting rain from the roof when it rains.

Compost pile in the backyard.

Doggy door leading to the backyard.

Outdoor shower in the backyard (with a bamboo privacy screen). It will be handy when the dog needs a bath, and it sounds like a wonderful way to start the day.

Edible landscaping. I have a dream of growing my own fruit, vegetables, and herbs in the backyard. If I’m super lucky, I’ll have a neighbor with backyard chickens and I can exchange produce for eggs with them.

In thinking about my dream life in my dream house, I think I might want 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (with showers, not tubs), 1 office (maybe 2), and an open kitchen/dining/living room area.

For now, this is an evolving dream. The short-term goal is to pay off my condo completely and then save up to pay for my dream home in cash and move in debt free.