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Same-sex marriage

National Coming Out Day Still Matters

Happy National Coming Out Day! For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time or up and living under a rock, I am bisexual. If you have a problem with that, well then, that’s your problem.

Still Fighting by  aprilzosia from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Still Fighting by aprilzosia from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

A few days ago I wondered if this holiday is still necessary. Same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states and it seems like every year, I hear about a high school selecting a gay teen homecoming queen or an LGBT duo as the cutest couple. It’s clear as a country we are making progress.

I kicked this question out to my friends on Facebook, and the overwhelming response was, “Yes, National Coming Out Day is still necessary.” Even though same-sex marriage is legal (and really we should just start calling it “marriage”) discrimination is still a big problem facing the LGBT community. Even in Arizona you can be fired because of your sexual orientation – so your employer’s wedding gift to you could be a pink slip.

It seems that more families are accepting when a loved one comes out as LGBT, but there are still a lot of people who face abuse, abandonment, and violence as a result. People who are LGBT make up at most 10% of the population, yet up to 40% of homeless youth identify as LGBT.

It is my responsibility to determine what is right for my life; and as long as what you’re doing is not illegal or harming anyone, I’m not going to tell you what you should do in yours. I won’t tell you what religion to follow, whether you should have a child, or what you find attractive, but unfortunately, there are still closed-minded people who think that everyone should live as they do and that the government should enforce it. These tend to be the people who support the First Amendment except when it conflicts with their agenda.

As I thought about this post, I was reminded how lucky I am. I have an education and I work in an industry where my sexual orientation has never been an issue. (If anything, it’s been an asset.) I am part of an amazing community that loves and supports me. But there are lots of people who are not so lucky, who are dependent on their family financially because they are under age and those who will be ostracized from a community that claims to love them if they ever disclose that they are LGBT.

I’m glad to say on this National Coming Out Day that the U.S. is making progress towards equality in regards to sexual orientation and gender identity, but we are not there yet. (As a planet, there is still much work to be done as homosexuality is still a crime that is punishable by death in several countries.)

Coming Out Day 2012

October 11th is National Coming Out Day. (In case you didn’t know, I’m bisexual.) I wish holiday didn’t have to exist. I wish sexual orientation was a non-issue and that people could be attracted to any gender without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Rainbow Flag

Rainbow Flag (Photo credit: Rev Dan Catt)

Unfortunately, we’re not there yet. Children across this country and the world are being told that they’re going to hell if they’re gay. (I generally try to stay out of people’s religious beliefs when it comes to who/what they worship, but I take issue when a minority is being told they’re going to hell for something they can’t control.) These kids are being teased so badly in school it’s driving some of them to drop out or commit suicide. Depending on which study you read, 20-40% of homeless youth are LGBT.

This problem continues into adult society where many people can still be fired because of their sexual orientation. And in most states, a committed homosexual couple is treated differently under the law than a committed heterosexual couple. The question that comes up for me is “Why do you care?” If you’re a hetero, two homos getting married does not pose a threat to you or your relationship. Why should you get over a thousand benefits under the law when you get married but they can’t? It broke my heart when I learned that at least one person in my family voted in favor of Prop 8 in California in 2008, and my family knows that I’m queer.

I also don’t understand people who say that gay unions should be legal but the word “marriage” should be reserved only for hetero couples. Seriously? The Supreme Court ruled that separate isn’t equal a long time ago. I don’t care if you call it “marriage,” “civil union,” or “oogie boogie,” whatever term you want to use for governmentally recognized homo unions should be the same as hetero unions. If individuals and religious organizations want to use a different word, that’s their prerogative.

We’ve made a lot of progress in terms of gay rights in the last few decades. I try to remember how far we’ve come when I feel like a lonely gay in a hetero world. It gives me hope that it will get better and some day we’ll be equals.

This is the song that reminds me that even when I feel like a freak, I’m not a freak alone.

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Oppose the Salvation Army’s Discrimination

I generally enjoy Christmas. I like the decorations, seeing family and friends, and I absolutely love the music.

One thing I don’t like about Christmas is the incessant sound of Salvation Army bells.

The Salvation Army is a Christian organization that provides a variety of services for the poor and homeless. They are also against same-sex marriage and have a history of refusing services to same-sex couples. You can check out Dan Savage’s blog to read about the gay couple who was told they had to break up before the Salvation Army would help them. In one town, the Salvation Army provided the only shelter for families. They told a homeless family headed by a lesbian couple that the children and one partner could stay at the shelter but that the other partner had to stay out in the cold.

I generally allow people to have their beliefs, but I can’t wrap my brain around homophobia. Why should anyone care who someone else loves? Why do they find it so threatening?

I cringe every time I hear a Salvation Army’s bell.  To me they proclaim, “Gays are wrong.  Give us money to perpetuate discrimination. This business promotes homophobia by welcoming us onto their property.” I feel angry deep into the core of my being every time I hear it.

This year, I decide to do something about this problem. Whenever I see a Salvation Army bell ringer, I take their picture and post it on Twitter with a message about where homophobia is being promoted that day.  I also will not spend any money at any business that has a bell ringer in front of it.

I started asking the bell ringers if they were aware that the Salvation Army opposed same-sex marriage. None of them knew. One of the ringers told me that she personally supported same-sex marriage, and I informed her that by being a bell ringer, she was perpetuating homophobia. I hope it made her think.

I do not oppose charity or charitable giving; however, people have an obligation to know where their money is going and to align their pocketbooks with their beliefs. Please find charities that do not discriminate against same-sex marriage or the LGBT community and give your money to them.

National Coming Out Day Rant

October 11th is National Coming Out Day.  In honor of this holiday, I’ll gladly share that I’m bisexual.  I hope that’s not an issue for you.  If it is, you have an issue.

For anyone who doesn’t understand bisexuality, it means I am attracted to both genders.  That doesn’t mean that I’m a slut or that I have to date both men and women to be happy.  It simply means that a person’s gender isn’t a deal-breaker when I’m deciding who I want to date.

Rainbow flag flapping in the wind with blue sk...
Image via Wikipedia

I love holidays in general, but this holiday makes me a little sad because a person’s sexuality is still an ongoing issue.   We have teens committing suicide left and right because of it.  I mean, who cares who someone falls in love with?  I’m all for consenting adults falling in love.  I don’t care what they do behind closed doors.  If you don’t want to watch two people holding hands or kissing in public, don’t look.  I do that all the time with I see people, usually a hetero couple, gratuitously sucking face.

I tend to laugh at homophobic people’s reasons for being homophobic.  The best ones usually come from straight guys who say, “I don’t want some dude hitting on me.”  I generally have two responses for this guy:

  1. What person, gay or straight, is going to be attracted to you and your narrow mind?
  2. You should be flattered that any person is attracted to you.  If you’re secure in who you are, you should be able to handle that person’s advances with class if you do not reciprocate their feelings.

I’m all for the government giving the same rights to any couple.  If the United States is going to give married heteros certain rights, they should give the married homos the same rights.  I don’t care what they call it, whether it’s “marriage” or “civil union,” but they have to use the same term for straight and gay unions.

Given the state of the economy, I’d expect the government to support gay marriage.  Our country will get back on track faster if we’re spending money.  Do you know how much it costs to get married?  There are the clothes, the rings, the flowers, the reception, the travel expenses, and the honeymoon for starters.  And unfortunately, after the wedding, at least half of these couples will eventually get divorces, which includes legal expenses, buying and selling property, and the post-divorce party.  All of this is good for business.

So Happy National Coming Out Day one and all.  To the baby gays out there, I hope your coming out process has been supported by your loved ones, and if it hasn’t, know that support is available.  If other people’s non-heterosexuality is an issue for you, please get over it.  It’s not a big deal.

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