This is the final installation of my four-part story with cyberbullying. You can read it from the beginning here. Back to the story . . .

After finals were over, I filed a formal report with the Office of Student Rights and Responsibilities. (https://students.asu.edu/srr)They said there was nothing they could do at that point, but that people like her engage in the same behavior repeatedly. They suggested that I send my bully an email informing her that any future contact was unwanted and would be reported to the university as harassment. If she contacted me again, it would be actionable. I disagreed with their assessment, but I sent my bully the email.

Seclusion & Serenity by Iwona Erskine-Kellie

Thankfully, my bully only had one more semester of school and we didn’t have any classes together. If we had been in any of the same classes, I would have asked the school to make her change. It was still nerve-wracking to see her on campus, but we never had direct contact again. Last I heard, she moved to California. Shortly after graduation, I blocked my bully and my other former exec on Facebook. Doing that made me feel like I was closing the door on that chapter of my life.

I had an unsettling experience last week with my bully – she asked to connect on LinkedIn! I was surprised she would want to be a connection given her animosity towards me. I suspect she uploaded all her contacts to her LinkedIn account and requested to connect with all of them, not thinking that there might be people in her contacts list that she doesn’t want to be connected to. I looked for the ability to block someone on LinkedIn and was shocked to learn that LinkedIn doesn’t provide that ability. The best you can do is deny someone the ability to connect with you. I expected them to have a stronger anti-harassment provision. I would like to block her on that site too, but that is not an option at this time.

So there’s my story. It was hellaciously stressful to be the victim of cyberbullying. I’m so grateful that I had support from my friends, my family, and the law school. I can’t imagine how much worse it could have been if I had to endure it alone. Unfortunately, that’s what happens to too many children. They’re ostracized from their peers and they’re too afraid to ask for help from their parents or teachers.

To all the victims of cyberbullying, I know it’s hard to admit that you’re being bullied, and I know it’s scary to ask for help, but do it. You don’t have to go through this alone and you don’t have to continue to be the victim.

Related articles

• Survey: 1 in 4 Teens Bullied at School (webmd.com)
• Words DO hurt (realityuncensored.org)
• 25 Facts for Bullying Prevention Month (onlinecollege.org)

This is the third part of my four-part story with cyberbullying. You can read it from the beginning here. Back to the story . . .

Walking Away by Jeremy Raff-Reynolds

At that point, I was done with her harassment. I investigated whether I had options for recourse through the school given that I was experiencing student-on-student harassment and all the emails were sent over the ASU email system. My research revealed provisions of the Arizona Board of Regents Student Code of Conduct that prohibited harassment and discriminatory activities.

I set up a meeting with the Assistant Dean of the law school where I explained what had been occurring and showed him all her emails. By then the semester was drawing to a close. He and I decided that the best course of action was for him to meet with my bully after she was finished with finals to discuss the inappropriateness of her behavior. At the end of the meeting, I turned over my copies of the emails to him to put in her permanent file. If anyone calls the school to ask for a reference for my bully, they may be told a report was made against her for cyberharassment.

My bully reportedly left town immediately after her last final, so the assistant dean was unable to get her into his office for a meeting. Instead, he spoke with her by phone. According to him, she wasn’t very receptive to what he had to say and didn’t take any responsibility for her behavior. Shortly after the call ended, she made the following post on Facebook:

“ruth carter is a giant cunt and a poor person. tell the world I said this.”

She must have realized that creating that post was a poor decision and removed it, but not before I took a screenshot of it and sent it to the school.

The assistant dean and I were astonished by her behavior, and I had concerns about her level of impulsivity. I still had one final to go, and the finals schedule is post publicly, so she had access to information regarding when/where I would be on campus. We weren’t certain that she had actually left town or that she wouldn’t come back.

We decided it was be better to be safe than dead. To protect my physical safety, we decided it would be best if I took my last final in a different location, so I took it in a windowless room, by myself, where only one other person knew where I was.

Read the conclusion to my cyberbullying story in Part 4 of I Was Cyberbullied is published tomorrow.

Related articles

• What is Cyberbullying and How to Avoid (socyberty.com)
• Fascinating New Cyberbullying Research (radicalparenting.com)

This is the second of my four-part experience with cyberbullying. You can read Part 1 here. Back to the story . . .

Alone by Tanya Little

For weeks, I was anxious every time I went to campus. I was so nervous that it made me sweat profusely. I stopped wearing professional clothes to school out of fear I would ruin them with sweat stains. Instead, I wore jeans and a t-shirt, and kept a fresh shirt in my locker. It was common for me to change my shirt during lunch because my first one was soaked with sweat. I got down to my lowest weight in law school that semester because I was too anxious to eat and I was sweating so much.

My bully was in one of my classes that semester – trial advocacy – and she sat right next to me. There were only 12 of us in the class and only 12 seats in our seating area. I didn’t want to ask someone to exchange seats because it would have brought up questions about the situation. So every day we had class, I sat there, sweating like crazy, but refusing to let her know how much she bothered me.

My trial advocacy final was a mock trial. Thankfully my bully wasn’t my co-counsel or the opposing counsel for my mock trial. Our trials were on a Friday night, and we didn’t finish until after 10pm. Her group finished before mine. I was petrified walking to the parking garage that night. I didn’t know if she’d be waiting there for me. I was so relieved when I didn’t see anyone in the garage.

My goal for the student club that my bully and I were executives for became to get the club through the end of the school year, pass it off the next year’s executives, and be done with my bully and the other executive. The club’s faculty advisor caught wind of what was going on and asked to meet with me. When I told her about the emails, she said my bully was out of line and she would do what she could to help get the club through the end of the year.

Our advisor called a meeting for all the executives to plan the remaining weeks of the semester. When my bully and the other exec tried to bring up the gala invitations, she immediately cut them off and refocused on the club’s future. I walked out of the meeting with the impression that my bully and the other exec were not going to stop trying to turn the gala invitations into a group decision and that they were going to view everything I did in a negative light. I decided at that point to resign my leadership role. It wasn’t worth my effort to keep putting up with them.

All the executives in this club were equals when I was in it. We didn’t have designated roles like president and vice president. All club decisions were made by a majority vote. However, I was often the point person on projects and a lot of people sought me out when they had a question about the club. After I resigned, I had nothing to do with the club. When anyone asked me about the club, I referred them to the club’s email address.

Shortly before I got my bully, I was the point person on an event put on by my and another law student club. The post-event paperwork didn’t get done until after I resigned. An exec from the other club started it and asked for my help, but by then I couldn’t sign off on anything because I wasn’t a leader anymore. I referred her to the club’s remaining execs.

I could have done the work in less than 3 minutes, but I wanted to take a stand. I wanted my bully and the other exec to know that when they make it impossible to work with them, I’m not going to work with them. By then, I had no obligations to them or the club. I responded to all their emails by politely informing them that it would be inappropriate for a non-executive to fill out executive paperwork. That resulted in my bully sending me the nastiest email to date:

“Ruth you are a giant cunt and a poor person.”

Read how I responded to her nastiness in Part 3 of I Was Cyberbullied.

Related articles

• Cyber-Bullying is a problem! (anticyberbullying101.wordpress.com)
• #cyberbullying (bdemarest.wordpress.com)

Cyberbullying sucks. I know because I’ve been through it.

I’m sharing my story to show that it can happen to anyone, at any age, and that there are things you can do to combat it.

My story begins in February 2010, the spring semester of my second year of law school at Arizona State University. I had a full load of classes and an internship at a large Phoenix law firm. I was also an executive officer on multiple student clubs at the law school. It was because of the connections I made in a leadership position that lead to me receiving an invitation to attend the HRC gala. The invite was written and sent to me in an email that was to my personal email account, not the club’s email address.

One of the other execs, another law student, did not receive such an invitation. She became my bully.

For the following three months, I dreaded seeing the notification that I had new email in my inbox.  Every email from her was filled with anger and disrespect. She called me dishonest, unethical, phony, dumb, seedy, a poor leader, and made discriminatory statements about my sexual orientation.

From the beginning, I sensed this could be a heated situation and may not end well. I elicited the help of four of my friends:

• Michael: former assistant dean of the law school who has a wealth of knowledge regarding law students and the ASU system,
• Jeff: my friend who has experience with handling public criticism,
• Andrea: was the president of an LGBT student group at Oregon State University when I was a student there, and
• Julia: my classmate who is a former national speech champion. She is the most articulate person I know, and she’s brilliant at handling difficult people.

Project 365: Day 57 by Cara Photography

Every time I got an email from my bully, I forwarded it to these four. After her first email, I never sent a response without giving myself several hours to let my emotional response subside and to formulate the best response based on the goal of getting the harassment to end.

My bully’s impulsiveness scared me. She reacted to every email with such anger. She responded without taking any time to think through her response. I was pretty sure that she wouldn’t shift from being verbally impulsive to physically impulsive, but I wasn’t completely convinced.

After one particularly cruel email that I forwarded to my support team, I got a one line email response from Michael: “Ruth, you need to stay away from this person.” Michael has counseled thousands of law students in his career. A warning like that from him carried significant weight for me.

I reached out to Gavin de Becker and Associates, a firm that assesses threats in personal relationships and the workplace. De Becker is the author of the bestselling book, The Gift of Fear, a book I recommend everyone read to identify and respond to people who threaten your safety. I explained the situation to an associate, and he responded that I likely had cause for concern.

I was 30 years old, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid to go to school.

Read more about my experience with cyberbullying and how I fought back in Part 2 of I Was Cyberbullied.

Related articles

• College Students Still Vulnerable to Bullying (cherished79.wordpress.com)
• 90 Percent Of Teens Encounter Cyberbullying (thinkprogress.org)
• Cyberbullying: An Old Problem with a New Twist (helpingpsychology.com)
• Fif-TECH-Teen: Cyberbullying (tattletech.net)

After enduring horrific child abuse, Indiana attorney and author Will Corcoran became a loving father of four. Unfortunately, his son Henry has mitochondrial disease – a terminal illness. Will recently published his first book, Three Candles, where he shares his & Henry’s stories of love & perseverance. Will was gracious to talk about his book & the organization he co-founded, Henry’s Hope. 

Tell us a little about yourself & Henry’s Hope.
I used to define myself as a lawyer, writer, law professor, businessman, & professional coach. Now, with the ultimate dose of perspective, I am a proud husband & father. Like all parents, my biggest & most important life lessons have come from my children. When we got the devastating news that our son, Henry’s, time on Earth would provide me only a crash course, I became a hesitant & humble student – learning & sharing everything that Henry, & our other kids, could teach me & my wife. I learned that my childhood shaped my perspective as well. Henry has taught us a perspective everyone could benefit from.  I am committed to share my & Henry’s story in this book, public speaking, & one-on-one coaching & counseling.

Henry’s Hope was inspired by Henry & his mature wisdom. During our time in the hospitals with him, we saw many children & their families that could not afford to pay for the treatment & expensive road to diagnosis that we were lucky enough to afford. Children suffered. Families were tormented. One day, Henry asked, “Why doesn’t JJ get the medicine that I do?” There was no good answer. We founded Henry’s Hope to help children with life-threatening & terminal illnesses receive quality treatment by assisting with funding, finding resources, & providing patient advocates for families.

What inspired you to write this book?
Henry. He, like so many other sick children, has a perspective on life healthier than any adult I know. Though he certainly has much to complain about, he doesn’t. His focus remains on the here & now – being a kid, having fun, enjoying time with his family. So many of us are caught up in things that really don’t matter in the long run. I started writing to capture Henry’s purity in his perspective & our journey with him.

The second part of the story, my traumatically abusive upbringing, almost seems like a disconnect, but my childhood helped guide me in parenting Henry. It helped us both share “first” experiences & have a much fuller appreciation for them.

What’s the story behind the title “Three Candles?”
Three Candles starts by following Henry & I when we were both 3 years old. Both of our lives took dramatic turns that year. My first childhood memory was of a beating, being locked in a shed, & disassociating. Henry was diagnosed with a terminal illness when he was 3. But, the light in the candles represent the hope & inspiration – despite what sounds objectively like horrific changes for both children. 

How does your experience with child abuse help you raise a terminally ill child?
As a survivor of childhood abuse, I was robbed of a lot of childhood experiences. Henry, through his battles, is also put in a spot where he can’t truly be a kid. Though very different experiences, I know how important it is for kids to feel loved, feel safe, & be as worry-free as possible.

We chronicle several examples in the book, and one of my favorites was when I took Henry on a class field trip to the apple orchard. Henry was so excited. I was worried because, though he knew that he couldn’t eat anything because of his illness, sometimes he would get caught up & still ask. I resisted going & talked about other things that we could do together, but my 3 year-old was steadfast. We were going to the apple orchard.

When we arrived, Henry’s excitement continued.  With his classmates, he learned about the different types of apples, their textures, & smells. We picked several apples. As the group headed back to do some taste testing, I dilly-dallied – almost hoping to miss it. Henry wouldn’t have any of it. “Daddy,” he grabbed my hand in a huff, “We have to hurry. Can’t miss this.”

Henry guided me to the food line. My heart sunk, thinking that I’d have to explain that he couldn’t eat anything. But before I could address it Henry told me, “I know I can’t eat it, but you can.” I got the food, let him hold & smell it, & described it to him – answering a lot of questions.

Then, he asked, “Daddy did you have a fun visit to your first apple orchard?” It was my first visit. He remembered. My experience was just as important to him, if not more during some points, as his was. 

How does it feel to have your abuse story out there for all to read?
That’s a hard question to answer. As any abuse survivor knows, there never is a finish line. We will continue to have issues that we will have to deal with, but we are survivors. The emotions are so diverse & can change each day.

Embarrassment. Guilt. Sad. Lonely. Overwhelmed. Exposed. Those are the feelings that I struggled with all of my life. It took me a long time to turn the corner. When I realized that my horrible childhood experiences & who that made me was actually helping me parent Henry, I couldn’t be ashamed anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not happy that happened to me. But, I can use those horrific experiences as weapons to make difficult experiences now more positive. That doesn’t change what happened or make it ok, but if I can make my past have a positive impact on the future, then there is no shame in that.

So now I experience pride, strength, hope, courage, & perspective.  I hope in sharing my abuse story other abuse survivors might be able to use their past tragedies as important tools for what lies ahead.

Three Candles is available for purchase on Amazon. A portion of the proceeds goes to Henry’s Hope. You can learn more about Three Candles and Will at his website.

Photo by Crystal O'Hara

I completed my third half marathon this past weekend. My goal was to finish the race is less than 2 hours. I destroyed that goal & finished in 1:52 – 14 minutes faster than my previous personal record.

1. The Race Will Accept An Altered Liability Waiver.
I alter every liability waiver before I sign it. The race organizers wanted to avoid all liability, no matter what. I have no problem accepting responsibility if I trip over my own feet, but if they run me into oncoming traffic or a pit full of tigers, I want to sue them. This year, I wrote in a provision that stated that the altered agreement superseded all previous agreements. I’d never written in a provision & I was pleased when the race accepted it.

2.  KT Tape Is A Godsend.
I had issues with shin pain during training. I wore KT tape on my leg almost every day between mid-December & the race. It made it possible for me to finish my training with minimal discomfort. At the pre-race expo, KT Tape had a booth where they provided free tape jobs. I had them give me a fresh tape job on my shin & one on my left foot that had started feeling sore. I felt no pain in my foot or leg for the entire race.

3.  Stay In Front Of Your Pacer.
The organizers provided runners who maintained a particular pace for the race. Each one held a stick with a sign on it indicating what pace they were keeping. In my starting corral, there was a runner with a “2:00” stick. I knew I had to cross the finish line before him to accomplish my goal.

My friend’s dad suggested that I get at least a quarter mile in front of my pacer. My pacer was supposed to run 9:10-minute miles, but pacers aren’t human treadmills. They’re faster some miles & slower others. It’s best to get in front of them & stay there. Once I got in front of my pacer, I was afraid he’d overtake me. It kept me motivated to keep my speed up.

4.  The Back Of Your Shirt Matters.
In the past, I started the race with my friends who are faster runner than me, & as a result, I was passed more than I passed others. This year I had the opposite experience. I learned that the back of your shirt provides entertainment for the people running behind you.

Photo by Tyler Hurst

5.  Having A Cheering Section Makes A Huge Difference.
I saw my friends & family at miles 8, 11, & 12. Seeing the familiar faces & hearing their voices boosted my spirits. I remember being at mile 4 & thinking, “Only 4 more miles ‘til I see my friends.” After I saw my friends, thinking about them kept me motivated until I saw my next cheering section at mile 11. My friends humored my masochistic side by yelling things like, “Move your ass, Bitch!” In aggregate, I saw my friends & family less than a minute of the race, but having them there made a huge difference.

I also need to give a huge hat tip to the supporters who made multiple appearances along the route. They would be at the sideline to see their runner to go by, jump in the car, drive to another part of the race route, & be there again. That takes some serious planning & dedication. Even though they weren’t there for me, I appreciated their support in general.

6. Put One Foot In Front Of The Other & Believe.
I knew I was running faster than the pace I needed to finish the race in under 2 hours. The race clock at every mile marker helped me estimate my pace. Everyone around me was running so fast, & I had serious doubts that I could keep up my pace for the entire race. I took a risk & believed that it was possible to have such a strong finish. I nearly started crying at mile 12 when I saw that it would take a disaster to not finish in under 2 hours.

I was beyond pleased when I saw that I finished in 1:52 – average pace: 8:36. It still blows me away that I did so well. It’s a reminder that amazing things can happen if you give yourself permission to give it your all.

I have long accepted that I am a bit of a masochist. Looking back over my life, there is a pattern of events and activities where I have paid people to hurt me or to give me the opportunity to hurt myself: competitive gymnastics, body piercings, tattoos, deep tissue massages, paintball, law school, and now running.

Adam Almaraz & I Smiling before the 2010 Half Marathon

This Sunday, January 15th, I will be running the P.F. Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon for the third year in a row. I have two rules for running the race.

1. Don’t stop running.
2. Don’t die.

My goal this year is to break the 2-hour mark. I finished the race in 2:09 my first year and 2:06 last year. It will be a tall order, but it’s doable. I’ve always appreciated the support of the crowd cheering all of us on. I didn’t understand how beneficial it is to hear people cheering and to see all the signs until I ran the race. It makes a huge difference, especially when you’re tired and your body hurts.

Most of the signs I see during the race say “Go ________” or “__ Miles to Beer.” The best sign I’ve seen at a race was “Hurry up. We’re Hungry.” I’m happy to see every signs along the route, but I wish there were more signs that insulted me. I want to see signs that say things like

• “Hahaha…You’re Running,”
• “You Paid Money for this Torture,” and
• “I Have Warm Coffee and You Don’t.”

If you’re in the Phoenix area Sunday morning, please come out and support the runners. The half marathon route goes through Tempe and Scottsdale. Apparently, I’ll be running right by the fabulous Echo Coffee in Scottsdale. If you’re along my route, please make a sign that makes fun of me, especially the fact that paid money to get up early on a Sunday and run the cold.

And in case you were wondering, yes, I’m altering my release and waiver of liability agreement again this year. I will never let the organizers avoid all liability, especially things like gross negligence. If I trip over my own feet, that’s on me; but if I fall because of something they did, I want to have the option to sue them. This year I’m writing in a statement that says the hard copy agreement supersedes any previous agreements, in case I had to electronically agree to the waiver in order to sign up for the race.

I’m hoping to have another fun race this year. I’ll let you know how it goes. I’m super excited that two of my cousins are running it with me – their first time doing the race. If you are a lawyer, law student, or friend of the legal community and running the race on Sunday, I created an event for us on Facebook so we can connect and network before the race.

Related articles

• Thousands Expected to Run in Marathon (myfoxphoenix.com)

The best thing I did in law school was the 2009 No Pants Light Rail Ride in Phoenix, Arizona. The people I met there opened the doors to the opportunities that made me the lawyer and the person I am today.

Photo by Jamey Peachy

Improv Everywhere has been doing the No Pants Subway Ride since 2002. In preparation for the 2009 ride, they invited everyone to organize No Pants Rides on the same day in cities all over the world. Jeff Moriarty conspired with a small group of his friends to do a ride on the newly opened light rail in Phoenix. I was a first-year law student and really a nobody in my school and the greater legal community. I didn’t know Jeff back then, but I saw the event on Facebook and signed up to do it with some of my friends.

On the day of the ride, all of my friends who were supposed to do the No Pants Ride with me chickened out. I wasn’t surprised. I said, “You guys all suck. I’m going without you” and I headed out to Tempe to meet my fellow pantsless riders. I figured Jeff had to be a cool guy for organizing the ride, so I purposely stood next to him on the ride and chatted all the way to our final destination.

The rest is history. I can show you, in 7 connections or less, how participating in the 2009 No Pants Ride led to some of my best professional opportunities and experiences.

No Pants Ride >>> Establishing Myself as a Legal Expert

• Many of the people at the 2009 No Pants Ride are involved in blogging. This inspired me to have a blog.
• Jeff Moriarty helped me create UndeniableRuth.com in January 2010.
• I wrote, and still write, weekly posts about legal issues.
• My posts demonstrated that I have a unique voice and competence in certain areas of law.
• I parlayed my expertise into opportunities to write dozens of guest blog posts; provide quotes for news articles and blogs; participate in TV, radio, and podcast interviews; and give presentations at conferences.

No Pants Ride >>> Sponsor A Law Kid  

• I met Jeff at the 2009 No Pants Ride.
• Jeff is the creator of Ignite Phoenix. He encouraged me to apply to be an Ignite presenter.
• I was selected for Ignite Phoenix #5 to present Frosting the Law.
• Kade Dworkin was one of my fellow presenters at Ignite Phoenix #5.
• Kade had a podcast in 2010 called Meet My Followers where he interviewed his Twitter followers.
• One of Kade’s guests was Jason Sadler, founder of I Wear Your Shirt.
• I Wear Your Shirt inspired me to create Sponsor A Law Kid, that funded part of my final semester of law school in 2011.

No Pants Ride >>> Paid Blogger for Attorney at Work

• A group of us from the 2009 No Pants Ride founded Improv AZ to continue to do flash mobs and pranks in Phoenix.
• Planning events with Improv AZ sparked my interest in flash mob law.
• I asked Ari Kaplan whether this might be a viable niche.
• Ari used my interest in an article for Law Practice Magazine in the fall of 2009.
• The editor of the magazine, Mark Feldman, loved it. He continued to follow me and blog.
• When Mark created Attorney at Work with Joan Feldman and Merrilyn Astin Tarlton, they invited me to be one of their professional bloggers in 2011.

And that’s the tip of the iceberg. I can show how the No Pants Ride led to making some of my best professional connections, writing my first book, developing an interest in podcasting, and meeting some of the most wonderful people in my life.

The 2012 Global No Pants Ride is this Sunday, January 8th in at least 56 cities. If there’s a ride near you, you should go. You never know what will come out of it.

Related articles

• No Pants Subway Ride: Thousands Expected To Turn Up Worldwide (treehugger.com)
• Improv Everywhere Global No Pants Subway Ride 2012 (laughingsquid.com)
• Global No Pants Subway Ride 2012 (improveverywhere.com)

It’s been quite an eventful busy year. Thank you to all my family and friends who supported me through this year, even during my moments of pure stressed out insanity. Here are my top five events and experiences of 2011.

Photo by AJ Grucky

1. I Passed The Bar! The process of graduating from law school, studying for, taking, and passing the Arizona Bar Exam and the process of applying and being admitted to the State Bar of Arizona took about 7 months of my year. It was exceptionally stressful – easily the hardest thing I’ve done in my professional life. It was a huge relief when I learned that I passed the Bar and Character and Fitness.
2. Personal Record at the Half Marathon Injuries prevented me from training the way I would have liked for the 2011 Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon in Arizona. Despite being in pain starting at mile 2, I had the same rule for this race as my previous half marathon – no stopping or walking. Around mile 9, I realized that I was close to being on pace for a personal record, so I kicked my speed and finished 3 minutes faster than the previous year.  I was in so much pain by the end of the race, but it was an incredible lesson in determination.
3. Sponsor A Law Kid I succeeded in getting my blog sponsored for 46 days during the beginning of the year to offset the cost of my last semester of law school. It was a challenge to create quality content every day and to face the backlash from some members of the legal community. I love that I was able to do this. My only regret is not doing it sooner.
4. I Wish Your Wish One of the most powerful experiences this year was attending Rivane Neuenschwander’s I Wish Your Wish exhibit. It took me down to my core level and connected me with what I want for my life. For over two months, I had a pink ribbon tied around my wrist that said “I Wish To Die With No Regrets.”
5. 

   Photo by Jamey Peachy

   Big Brain Award Nomination I was shocked and overjoyed when I learned that I was nominated for a New Times Big Brain Award for my work behind the scenes with Improv AZ, the flash mob/prank troupe I co-founded in Phoenix. Ever since I expressed interest in flash mob law, I questioned whether it was a viable area of law. Just being nominated validated my professional aspirations and showed me that there is a need for the work I’m interested in.

Celebrity Encounters in 2011:

• Captain Keith Colburn – captain of F/V Wizard on Deadliest Catch
• Jason Sadler – founder of I Wear Your Shirt
• Caleb Laieski – teen LBGT lobbyist in Washington DC
• Carey Pena – co-anchor of 3TV News in Phoenix
• Pam Slim – author of Escape From Cubicle Nation
• Amber Naslund and Jay Baer – authors of Now Revolution

Firsts in 2011:

• 

  Photo by Jeff Moriarty

  First indoor trampoline playground

• First retail job
• First Kindle
• First fake protest
• First Warrior Dash
• First KT Tape
• First Food Truck Friday
• First paid blogging job
• First (and hopefully last) bar exam

I generally enjoy Christmas. I like the decorations, seeing family and friends, and I absolutely love the music.

One thing I don’t like about Christmas is the incessant sound of Salvation Army bells.

The Salvation Army is a Christian organization that provides a variety of services for the poor and homeless. They are also against same-sex marriage and have a history of refusing services to same-sex couples. You can check out Dan Savage’s blog to read about the gay couple who was told they had to break up before the Salvation Army would help them. In one town, the Salvation Army provided the only shelter for families. They told a homeless family headed by a lesbian couple that the children and one partner could stay at the shelter but that the other partner had to stay out in the cold.

I generally allow people to have their beliefs, but I can’t wrap my brain around homophobia. Why should anyone care who someone else loves? Why do they find it so threatening?

I cringe every time I hear a Salvation Army’s bell.  To me they proclaim, “Gays are wrong.  Give us money to perpetuate discrimination. This business promotes homophobia by welcoming us onto their property.” I feel angry deep into the core of my being every time I hear it.

This year, I decide to do something about this problem. Whenever I see a Salvation Army bell ringer, I take their picture and post it on Twitter with a message about where homophobia is being promoted that day.  I also will not spend any money at any business that has a bell ringer in front of it.

I started asking the bell ringers if they were aware that the Salvation Army opposed same-sex marriage. None of them knew. One of the ringers told me that she personally supported same-sex marriage, and I informed her that by being a bell ringer, she was perpetuating homophobia. I hope it made her think.

I do not oppose charity or charitable giving; however, people have an obligation to know where their money is going and to align their pocketbooks with their beliefs. Please find charities that do not discriminate against same-sex marriage or the LGBT community and give your money to them.