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micropenis greeting card

The Next Four Years . . .

It’s still a bit surreal that Donald Trump is the next U.S. President. While part of me is still reeling from the fact that he won the election, I’m trying to be forward thinking and looking for ways to be realistically optimistic. The night is darkest right before dawn and there can be good that comes out of the worst circumstances. Instead of dwelling on my frustration and apprehension for what’s to come, I tried to shift my perspective to see where there are opportunities with this new administration.

Naked Trump by Len Smith from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Betting on the Trump Presidency
If you are the betting type, you can place bets on the Trump presidency at casino sport books and other betting establishments throughout the world. I suspect there’s an over/under bet for the number of days he’ll actually be in office. (Right now, my gut feeling says he’ll survive at least one year, but not three.) I wonder if you can place a bet on whether he’ll build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico.

Deliveries to the White House
I believe in sending letters and calling your representative to tell them what you want and what issues are important to you. I also endorse campaigns that send a powerful message, like sending crocheted vaginas to representatives to endorse the Violence Against Women Act and the Postcard Avalanche opposing Steven Bannon’s appointment to Trump’s cabinet.

With the suspected Trump kompromat, I would not be surprised if there’s an influx of packages to the White House from rubber sheet manufacturers. If you’re going to set him a set as a housewarming present, please select an American company – support the economy.

And since Trump is Trump, and there is a Republican majority in both Houses, I hope there’s an increase in deliveries from Dicks By Mail (gummy penis candies) to elected officials from their constituents if/when they act against what’s in the best interest of the public.  Ditto for Glitter Bombs and Poop Senders.

Micropenis Greeting Cards
Although there are a few options out there, there is an untapped market for greeting cards and postcards that communicate the message:

We get it.
You have a small penis.
Please stop acting like a dick.

I’d love to see what The Oatmeal could create in this genre.

EDIT: I couldn’t wait to see what someone else would create. I created it myself.

American Flag by Daniel Zimmerman from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Donations to Civil Rights and Health Organizations
There have been drinking games and bingo card incorporated into the watching of the presidential debates and other political speeches. But instead of buying booze, there could be a better way to put our dollars towards causes we care about.

I loved he influx of donations to Planned Parenthood in Mike Pence’s name following the election. To continue this trend, I endorse the idea of making a donation to the ACLU, Planned Parenthood, Anti-Defamation League, or similar organization every time Trump makes a racist, homophobic, or misogynistic statement.  For someone who extremely generous, expand this to everyone in the Trump Cabinet.

Increased Political Activism
Since the election, I’ve seen people become more politically involved, even friends who have shied away from doing anything political besides voting. (If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch.) With this new administration, we’re going to see more people being diligent and fervent about calling out elected officials when they do a poor job. (Don’t forget to applaud them for a job well-done too!) If you want to vote with your wallet, and boycott companies that carry Trump products, here’s the list.

If you hold public office, you work for us – and it’s a temp job. Expect more than annual review. I haven’t seen such a large population of people be this angry and motivated to take action. It’s exciting to see so many people putting their time, energy, and money where their mouth is. It’s going to be an exciting four years.