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Ruth’s Soapbox

Arizona Health Stats – The Good, Bad, & Disturbing

When I heard that the latest Arizona State Health Assessment was out, I had to poke around to see how my state’s doing. Most of it was bad; some of it was disturbing; but there were a few glimmers of hope in the mix.

In some areas, Arizona is doing better than the national average.

AZ Better than Nat'l Average

The fact that more than 1 in 4 people in Arizona is obese is disturbing, as is the fact that that makes us better than the national obesity rate. To put this statistic into context, Arizona has had 19% increase in the number of overweight and obese people since 1993 – the largest increase in the U.S.! The stats also show an increase in adult diabetes in Arizona from 7.5% in 2005 to 9.1% in 2010.

Thankfully not everything about Arizona’s health is bad. We’ve had a 29% decrease in teen pregnancy since 2007. I don’t care if it’s abstinence or birth control that made this happen, but good job kids for being responsible!

So how are we killing ourselves in Arizona? In 2010, cancer was the leading cause of death followed by heart disease. Accidents were the #4 cause of death overall (2,834), mostly due to poisoning/overdose (879), falls (762), and motor vehicle accidents (711); but there are always some weird accidental deaths:

  • Aircraft accidents = 16
  • Railroad accidents = 12
  • Hit by lightning = 1
  • Electrocuted = 4
  • Venomous snake or lizard = 1
  • Choked on food = 39
  • Choked on some other object = 57 (What are you putting in your mouths?)

This was scary – accidents were the leading cause of death for people under age 45 and the cause of disability for all age groups. (If you don’t have disability insurance, go get some!)

Suicide was the 8th leading cause of death (1,070), but the 5th leading cause for men – likely due to the fact that more men use firearms to commit suicide than women. Women were also more like than men to get routine check-ups (71.3% vs. 59.7% respectively); which hopefully is helping medical professionals identify and refer people who need mental health services.

I think the saddest statistic I read in the study was 20% of Arizonans reported that they have no social-emotional supports. That’s 1 in 5 people saying they have no one. That is beyond disturbing! In our digitally connected world, we don’t have to know our neighbors to have someone to talk to anymore; but on the flip side, it can lead to physical and social isolation.

I will say that Phoenix is not the easiest city to get to know new people, but if you put yourself out there and get involved (and there are tons of ways to do that), you’ll make friends.

How to Make Phoenix Safer for Pedestrians – Stop Being Stupid

I recently participated in a phone survey about pedestrian safety in Phoenix. As someone who regularly walks and jogs in my neighborhood, pedestrian safety is an everyday concern. According to the AZ DOT Crash Facts, there were 1,575 car-pedestrian accidents in Arizona in 2012 that resulted in 1,354 injuries and 131 deaths. I prefer not to be the next statistic.

In general, I feel like Phoenix is a fairly safe place to be a pedestrian, however, the survey questions had little to do with factors that contribute to risks to pedestrians. They asked whether the sidewalks were wide enough (yes), whether there’s adequate lighting (most of the time), if the walk signals at intersections are long enough (yes), and whether emergency vehicles respond to accidents swiftly enough (this has nothing to do with things that cause pedestrian accidents).

They survey person didn’t ask about the two main factors that I think contribute to car-pedestrian accidents: stupid pedestrians and stupid drivers.

jaywalking by ^ Missi ^ from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

jaywalking by ^ Missi ^ from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Stupid Pedestrians
One of the biggest risks to pedestrian safety I see every day is jaywalking. I’m not talking about people walking their dogs in the neighborhood and crossing in the middle of the block. I’m talking about people crossing 6-lane streets where the speed limit is 40 mph during peak driving times. I live near such a street and I see this all the time, even with a crosswalk located a few hundred feet away and an underpass available.

The worst is when I see a parent jaywalking with their kids. I’ve seen jaywalking parents in the suicide lane pushing a baby stroller with one hand and their other hand is holding the hand of their toddler. It’s one thing to be cavalier about your own safety, but don’t put your kids at risk. It’s because of this that my first question when I hear about a car-pedestrian accident is whether the person was jaywalking.

And another thing, if you walk when it’s dark out, especially in neighborhoods that don’t have that many street lights, please wear something that makes you more visible. When I go jogging before sunrise, I wear a reflective belt and sometimes a headlamp. You can’t expect people not to hit you if you can’t be seen.

Stop Hammertime by Rich Anderson from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Stop Hammertime by Rich Anderson from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Stupid Drivers
The number one threat to my safety as a pedestrian is drivers making right-hand turns at intersections – especially ones that have a traffic signal. A lot of them don’t stop behind the crosswalk and they don’t look for pedestrians trying to cross the street. I’ve been almost hit twice in one trip across an intersection. I had the walk signal and cars at both corners weren’t paying attention to the fact that I was there. I know I’m small but I’m not invisible.

I also worry about walking my dog Rosie in crosswalks. I made the mistake of not staying right by her side once and a car starting turning after I was out of his way but she wasn’t. That scared the crap out of me.

The other set of stupid drivers are the ones who don’t know how to stop at stop signs. A lot of neighborhoods don’t have the white line on the ground next to the stop sign and so when drivers stop at the stop sign, the front of their car is about 4 feet in front of the stop sign, which puts them right in the middle of where pedestrians walk when they cross the street. This is less of an issue when I’m walking but it’s big issue when I’m running. I like it when drivers don’t plow into me during morning exercise. It’s because of these people that I got my reflective belt.

I agree that pedestrian safety is an issue in Phoenix that could be easily improved, but it’s less of a city issue and more of a stupid people problem. One of the things I frequently say when I cross the street is, “Thank you for not hitting me.” It sounds funny, but given the number of close calls I’ve had, it’s true.

Wheaton’s Law is my Religion If Brewer Signs SB 1062

The Arizona legislature passed SB 1062/HB 2153 last week. They call it a law to protect your right to “exercise your religion” but what it really does is give businesses the ability not to do business with someone if it violates their “religious beliefs.” What it does is give businesses the ability not to do business with members of the LGBT community.

My Wheaton's Law T-Shirt

My Wheaton’s Law T-Shirt

This law is fucked up on a lot of levels. While so many states and cities are legalizing same-sex marriage and updating anti-discrimination laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity, Arizona is moving backwards and trying to legalize segregation. It’s frustrating that the majority of the Arizonans oppose this proposed law, including several business organizations, but an influential minority was able to push it through both houses.

Here’s what’s really fucked up about this law – your “religious beliefs” don’t have to be affiliated with any officially recognized religion;” they only have to be your sincerely held religious beliefs.

I’m pretty agnostic but I do have some firmly held beliefs that are as dear to me as some religions are to others. One of those beliefs is Wheaton’s Law – “Don’t be a dick.” This rule was created by actor-author-gamer Wil Wheaton to encourage good sportsmanship during online gaming, and it has spread to and been adopted in everyday life. If you want your own Wheaton’s Law t-shirt, it’s available online.

Sign at Rocco's Little Chicago Pizzeria

Sign at Rocco’s Little Chicago Pizzeria

And yes, just because Wheaton’s Law isn’t affiliated with any official religion or culture that requires some type of worship practice, it doesn’t mean it can be a religious belief. According to Dictionary.com, a religion is merely, “a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, especially when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.” Note that superhuman agency and ritual observances are not required; therefore, Wheaton’s Law can be a religious belief.

Open to everyoneSo if Governor Brewer signs this bill into law, it will give me, and anyone else who considers Wheaton’s Law to be part of their religion, the ability to refuse to do business with anyone who acts like a dick. This will include any members of Arizona Senate and House of Representatives who voted in favor of this discriminatory law. I wonder how fast they would change their stance on this law if suddenly their grocery store, gas station, salon, landscapers, golf course, gym, neighborhood bar, and the private school where they send their kids refused to do business with them. (Hat tip to Rocco’s Little Chicago Pizzeria for posting a sign that says they refuse to do business with Arizona Legislators after this bill passed.)

Some groups, like One Community, are taking the high road and saying that all are welcome to do business with them and encouraging others to do the same. And good for them – I’m too pissed off to be the bigger man on this one.

Please contact Governor Brewer’s office and tell her to veto this hellaciously discriminatory bill. You can call her at 602-542-4331 or 520-628-6580. You can also sign the petition about SB 1062 on Change.org.

[Note: I sent Wil Wheaton an email about claiming Wheaton’s Law as a religious belief if SB 1062 is signed. He didn’t respond so I interpreted that to mean that he didn’t object - at least not enough to tell me about it. I mean no disrespect to Wil Wheaton or Wheaton’s Law with this post.]

Boycotting the 2014 Sochi Olympics & its Sponsors – Who’s Not Getting my Business

A few months ago I shared my outrage about the International Olympic Committee’s blatant (and cowardly) refusal to oppose Russia’s anti-gay laws and how none of the sponsors have spoken out against the bigoted laws. I love the Olympics but I’m boycotting the Games, so for the duration of the Sochi Winter Olympics and the Paralympics, I will not spend money on the Olympic  sponsors’ products whenever possible.

Here’s who won’t be getting my business during the Games:

Olympic Rings Vancouver by adrian8_8 from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Olympic Rings Vancouver by adrian8_8 from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Proctor & Gamble
This includes Olay moisturizer, Cover Girl cosmetics, Ivory soap, Pantene shampoo, Tampax tampons, Bounty paper towels, Charmin toilet paper, Mr. Clean magic eraser, Dawn dish soap, Cascade dishwasher soap, Tide laundry soap, Bounce dryer sheets, Febreze, Swiffer cloths, Duracell batteries, Venus razor blades, Oral-B toothbrushes, and Vicks Nyquil.

Coca-Cola
This includes Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Dasani water, Evian water, Fresca, Dr. Pepper, Powerade, Sprite, Monster Energy drinks, and Odwalla juice.

Samsung

Panasonic

McDonald’s

GE

Omega

Dow

Atos

Visa
This will be the hardest one because I use my credit card for almost every purchase. I’ll have to switch to cash unless it’s a situation where I have to use my card.

If any of these products are already in my home, using them is fair game. They’ve already gotten my money so not using them when they’ve already made their profit off me doesn’t hurt them. They just won’t be getting any new business from me during the Games.

I’m an advocate of putting your money where your mouth is. If you don’t approve of what a company is doing, don’t give them your business. Any of the above companies can redeem themselves and get off my shit list by openly opposing Russia’s anti-gay laws and/or plastering their ads at the Sochi Olympic Games with rainbows and same-sex couples.

Legalizing Recreational Marijuana Makes Sense (and I Hate Pot)

As of January 1, 2014, any person over age 21 can legally buy marijuana in Colorado from a licensed dispensary. It’s just like buying liquor at a liquor store. Looking at what Colorado is doing, I’m starting to think that this may be the right move for all states.

Marijuana by warrantedarrest from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Marijuana by warrantedarrest from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

From my observations, the medical marijuana system is corrupt. I believe that marijuana has positive benefits for certain patients; however when a state legalizes medicinal marijuana it seems like everyone who wants a marijuana card figures out which doctor to visit and what magic words they need to say to get a card. Then they use it as an excuse to be legally wasted all the time and possibly illegally share their legally obtained pot with others.

If we legalize pot, it will be distributed through legal channels and regulated to ensure that it’s safe. And the government can tax the shit out of it like they do cigarettes and with any luck that money will go to some good use. Hopefully this will reduce the demand for pot on the street and all the crime that goes along with the drug dealing will decrease. There will always be a black market for pot, just like there are still guys who illegally make moonshine; but I hope more people would choose to buy it from a licensed store if they choose to partake.

And let me make one thing clear – I am not a proponent for the use of marijuana in general. I hate the way it smells. I hate the way people act when they’re wasted. I chose not to be around most people when they’re drunk or high. If I ever live somewhere where marijuana is legal, I won’t allow it in my home. Yes, I am the anti-pothead who is saying it’s better to legalize it for all adults than to legalize medicinal marijuana.

Marijuana Joint by Torben Bjorn Hansen from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Marijuana Joint by Torben Bjorn Hansen from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Don’t tell me that marijuana should be illegal because it’s bad for you. There are a lot of things that are bad for us that are perfectly legal – like smoking cigarettes, drinking excessively, and being overweight. If we made everything that’s unhealthy illegal, we’d all be in jail.

Here is my concern for states that are considering legalizing marijuana – you have to figure out how this will work with the DUI laws. Driving while impaired by any amount of any substance is illegal in Arizona. I hope there are drug tests that are sensitive enough to tell when a person is likely currently impaired by pot. The drug test for marijuana for employment can show if you’ve used it in the last 30 days. I don’t want people getting DUIs when they haven’t used in a week but today they’re just a bad driver. Colorado’s law set a limit for how much THC you can have in your blood. If you go over that limit, the presumption is that you’re too impaired to drive.

Medical marijuana is legal in Arizona but some people are pushing for an amendment to the state constitution that would make using marijuana legal for adults and regulate its distribution.

What do you think – should marijuana be legalized? If so, what are your concerns? If you’ve been to Colorado and you’ve legally purchased pot, I’d love it if you’d share your experience in the comments below too.

Oppose the Proposed Arizona Bar Dues Increase

I was frustrated and angry to learn that the State Bar of Arizona Board of Governors is considering raising our bar dues starting in 2015. Our dues would go up $25/year for four years. The State Bar gives new attorneys lower dues for their first two years of practice so this will be the first year I pay the full $460 for my annual bar dues. I don’t want them go to up to $560.

Arizona Grunge Flag by Free Grunge Textures from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

Arizona Grunge Flag by Free Grunge Textures from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

The legal world is a self-regulating profession so I’m not frustrated with the State Bar; I’m frustrated with our State Bar. Yes, they regulate us, but they regulate us as we’ve told them to. So if I’m unhappy with the way they’re running the show, it’s my obligation to openly oppose it. I’m pleased that some members of the Board, namely Sam Saks, Melissa Ho, and Geoff Trachtenberg, are publicly opposing the increase. And for anyone who is unfamiliar with the Arizona Bar, it’s a mandatory pay-to-play state. You can’t be an Arizona attorney without being a member of the State Bar and our bar dues are already among the highest in the country.

My source at the State Bar told me there are 17,680 active attorneys in the Bar. Let’s say 17,000 of them have to pay full bar dues because they’ve been in practice for over two years. These 17,000 will pay $7.82 million in bar dues in 2014. If the proposed increase is accepted, these 17,000 attorneys will pay $9.52 million in bar dues in 2018. I would want to see what will cost $1.7 million more than what it costs now.

The fact that the Board of Governors is considering increasing our dues means that it’s time to take a closer look at how our money is currently being spent. I want to see how much money is coming in and where it’s being spent. I don’t mind paying for services that are necessary (like lawyer regulation, LOMAP, and the ethics hotline), that we’ve collectively agreed we should pay for, and occasional increases due to inflation. I don’t want to pay for things that don’t enhance the profession.

For example, I recently received my 2014 Arizona Bar Directory in the mail. How many people use the paper printing of the bar directory?  We have an online database. How much did we pay to print and ship these phonebooks? Unless this is somehow a moneymaker, the paper directory should only be printed for those who order and pay for it.

Maricopa County Court House by Ms. Phoenix from Flickr (Creative Common License)

Maricopa County Court House by Ms. Phoenix from Flickr (Creative Common License)

I wanted to gauge how my fellow attorneys felt about this issue so I sent a survey to my fellow Arizona legal eagles who graduated in or after 2007. As of this post, I’ve received 24 responses, mostly from the class of 2011. Twenty-one respondents said they took out loans to pay for law school (most of them over $100K) and all of them are still paying them off (up to $1,600/month). To ask them to pay $560/year just to be able to keep being attorneys, is asking a lot.

For anyone who wants to dismiss this problem by saying that attorneys don’t pay for their bar dues, their firms do; over half of the respondents reported that they were responsible for their bar dues, either paying directly out of pocket or because they were the owner of their firm so any business expenses can cut into their take-home pay. Even when the firm pays its attorneys’ bar dues, every dollar they spend on dues is a dollar they can’t put towards business development, pro bono work, and community involvement.

I gave the respondents a chance to share their thoughts about the proposed increase. Here’s what some of them had to say:

“I would want to know what I’m getting with the extra money. The dues are already crazy high compared to most other states and I don’t understand why.”

“One would think that with technology to handle much of what used to be paperwork for bar applications, testing (we do not have to create our own exam any longer), etc., costs would go down, not up. These costs ultimately get passed onto the public in higher fees and legal representation is already prohibitively expensive for most people.”

“Bar dues are effectively a tax on attorneys, which we have only minimal representation on due to the lack of transparency of the bar association. I feel that many of the bar’s programs and expenditures are of little value and should be funded from non-mandatory sources. If the legal community really feels those programs are needed, people will contribute voluntarily to support them.”

For anyone who wants to have their voice heard, this proposal will be considered by the Board of Governors on Thursday, December 12th, 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. and Friday, December 13th, 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. at the Arizona State Bar office in Phoenix. Any member of the Bar can attend the board meeting (I’ll be there), and you can contact the Bar if you wish to speak on this issue. The vote is expected to occur on Friday.

Self-Publishing vs Using a Publisher – The Joys and Frustrations

ruthcover smallerI’ve had the privilege of becoming a book author. I self-published my first book The Legal Side of Blogging: How Not to get Sued, Fired, Arrested, or Killed last year (and published a revision of it this past summer). That book led to me getting a book contract with the American Bar Association to write Flash Mob Law: The Legal Side of Planning and Participating in Pillow Fights, No Pants Rides, and Other Shenanigans, which came out this summer and The Legal Side of Blogging for Lawyers, which is due to be published in February 2014.

Both types of publishing come with their joys and frustrations. I love the independence of being an indie author but then the responsibility is on me to do everything (or find people to outsource to). On the flip side, I’ve had a mostly great experience working with my publishing teams, but that also means more cooks in the kitchen and having to play by their rules.

In regards to my next book, I turned the first draft in to my publisher in August with the expectation that it would be published before the end of the year. (I turned the first draft of Flash Mob Law in to my publisher in May and it was published in August.) I did not expect to hear in October that they wanted a major re-write. In the big picture, it was the right thing to do, but definitely required me to rearrange my calendar a bit. I busted my ass to get it done by Halloween so they could get it out, or at the very least get me a galley, by December.

I was frustrated as hell when I heard that wasn’t possible, especially after I worked so hard to keep things on schedule. How long does it take to format, copyedit, and print a book? It’s already cleared legal review and I know I can review edits in 24 hours if I have to. My publication date is only delayed by a few months and in the long run everything will be fine but I definitely had a few expressive moments while I was adjusting to that information.

Here’s my compilation of the joys and frustrations that come with being an indie author and having a publisher.

INDIE AUTHOR PUBLISHER
PUBLICATION DATE I pick it. They pick it.
WRITING My work. My way. They can require re-writes.
DEADLINES No one’s holding my feet to the fire but me. Hard deadlines.
COPYEDITTING I’m responsible for hiring a good copyeditor. They take care of it. I have 5 days after receiving a draft to approve edits.
COVER ART I’m responsible for hiring a graphic designer and describing what I think I want. They have a team of artists and I get to pick the final version from the options they provide.
MARKETING That’s my job too. They have a team for that.
EBOOK OPTION Of course! They say they’re going to do it.
PAPER OPTION I got frustrated trying to figure out CreateSpace and gave up. Available on the ABA website.
PRICE I decide ($3.99). They decide ($39.95).
ROYALTIES Monthly. Annually.
SALES I work for every sale. Minimum sales guaranteed.
MY WORK Never ends. Basically done once the final draft is done, except for reviewing galleys.
COPYRIGHT Guaranteed mine. Had to negotiate to keep it.

Created with the HTML Table Generator

There is no one right way to be an author but it’s good to understand what you’re getting into when you decide which path you’re going to take.

The List: Professional Development for Law Students and other Young Professionals

I wrote most of these posts with law students in mind, but the information works for any young professional who wants to network effectively and stand out in their professional community.

Photo by AJ Grucky

Photo by AJ Grucky

Don’t Lose Your Personality When You Get Your JD

How Networking Works

LinkedIn for Law Students

Twitter – The Untapped Resource for Law Students

Business Cards for Law Students

Lawyers’ Bad Reputations Start with Arrogant Law Students

Top 3 Tools for Establishing a Name for Yourself

Top 10 Blogging Tips for Law Students

Scheduling Lunch with a Litigator Made Me Never Want to be One

Why Are Lawyers so Bitchy?

Going Pantsless was the Best Thing I Did in Law School

I hope these have been helpful!

Other Lists:
Law School Survival
Bar Exam Survival and Domination

Boycott the 2014 Sochi Olympics and its Sponsors

Like many of you, I’m disgusted by the Russian law that prohibits discussing “non-traditional” sexual relationships in the presence of minors or suggesting that such relationships are equal to “traditional” ones. Russian officials claim the law is designed to protect minors.

Bullshit.

When laws are written to “protect the children” when their physical safety isn’t at risk, it’s the government’s way of trying to justify their closed-minded assholery.

Olympic Rings on Tower Bridge by Jon Curnow from Flickr (Creative Common License)

Olympic Rings on Tower Bridge by Jon Curnow from Flickr (Creative Common License)

This law pissed me off and I’m proud of anyone who is standing up against it. I was really pissed off this week when the International Olympic Committee (IOC) claimed that they have no grounds to challenge the Russian law and that they are satisfied with the situation as long as “the Olympic charter is respected.”

Let’s look at the Olympic charter. Page 11 contains the “Fundamental Principles of Olympism,” which include the following:

  • “The goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development of humankind, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity,” and
  • “The practice of sport is a human right. Every individual must have the possibility of practising sport, without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.”

Tell me again how the Russian anti-LGBT law doesn’t violate these principles?

I can understand why the IOC doesn’t want to call off the games or try to move the venue but to say that there’s nothing they can do about the Russian law suggests that their scared of what will happen if they speak out against it. But by staying silent, they are condoning it. How can they claim to have fundamental principles in their charter if they won’t stand up for what they believe when they are challenged? And I understand why countries aren’t boycotting the games – I don’t think the athletes should be punished because the host country is run by bigots. If the athletes want to boycott the games, that’s their prerogative.

When the anti-LGBT law was passed, the boycott of Russian vodka started. I don’t drink, but I fully support this effort. When I heard that the IOC wouldn’t speak out against the law, I was angry and disappointed. My friend ask what I was going to do about it and I said I was going to boycott the games – and I love to watch the Olympics. She suggested that I boycott the Olympic sponsors too.

That makes perfect sense! They have money on the line and are expecting a good return on their investment. For people who feel strongly about this issue should put their money where their mouths are and not patronize the companies who are sponsoring the games – at least for the duration of the 2014 Olympics and Paralympics (February 7-23 and March 7-16, 2014). The 2014 games sponsors include Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, Visa, and Proctor and Gamble. If you want to join the boycott, you may be paying cash for everything and you’ll have to read the labels of your personal and household products for that month.

I’m a huge fan of spending money with companies who represent your values. I don’t shop at Walmart because of the way they treat their employees; I don’t patronize Barilla because of their anti-gay stance; I won’t shop at any store during the holidays that has a Salvation Army bell ringer outside because they discriminate against the LGBT community; and even though Chick-fil-A doesn’t support anti-gay groups, I still can’t bring myself to go there.

One thing that will convince me not to boycott the Olympic sponsors is if the companies add pro-LGBT images (same-sex couples, rainbow flags, etc.) to their Olympic marketing materials. I understand why a company can’t back out now, but they would have an awesome effect if they said “fuck you” to the Russians and filled Sochi and the Olympic TV coverage with rainbows.

34 Things

In honor of my 34th trip around the sun, I thought I’d share 34 things about me you may not have known.

1. My favorite color is blue. My signature color is pink.

Ignite Phoenix After Hours #3 - photo by Devon Christopher Adams

Ignite Phoenix After Hours #3 – photo by Devon Christopher Adams

2. The only adrenaline rush adventure I won’t do again is ride in a hot air balloon. I rode in one once and had a strong urge to jump out when we were about 100 feet off the ground.

3. I won’t answer my phone when I’m naked unless I’m OK with the person calling seeing me naked.

4. I will buy a lottery ticket if the jackpot is at least $200 million.

5. I’m not Jewish, but I love the phrase “mazel tov.”

6. My favorite flower is the stargazer lily.

7. I know pi out to 10 decimal places (3.1415926535…).

8. I don’t have a green thumb. Don’t give me a houseplant because I will ignore it until it dies.

9. I am an existentialist.

10. I can and will untie your shoelaces with my toes.

11. It’s a sign of affection if I address you by first and middle name. The middle name I use for you may or may not be your legal middle name.

12. I don’t use my real name when ordering coffee.

Photo by Devon Christopher Adams for Phoenix Comicon

Photo by Devon Christopher Adams for Phoenix Comicon

13. My childhood babysitter gave me the nickname “Snicklefritz.”

14. My current cartoon alter ego is Vanellope von Schweetz from Wreck It Ralph. My previous one was Mike Wazowski from Monsters, Inc.

15. I love British words like “spinster.”

16. Sometimes I speak with a British accent for no reason, and I’ll still claim to be from California.

17. If I warn you that I’m going to bite you, I will really bite you if you keep doing whatever you’re doing that’s annoying me.

18. I can’t stand having anything between my toes so I can’t wear flip flops or toe socks.

19. I hate valets. I don’t like letting strangers drive my car.

20. I failed my depth perception test. It’s funny to watch me try to parallel park.

21. I need to know your personality to find you attractive. That’s why I tend not to have crushes on celebrities – they’re just pretty faces because I don’t know what they’re like in real life.

22. I can’t guarantee I’ll shower every day.

23. I am a Starfleet captain – and yes I earned it. (Don’t ask me how, just accept it.) When I wear my Starfleet uniform in public (yes, it’s a uniform, not a costume), I expect to be addressed as “Captain” by those who know what it means.

24. Given the choice, I prefer to be called “sir” over “ma’am” and “Doctor” over “Miss.”

25. I’ve had 3 concussions. I’m sure that explains a lot. My head is so dented my friend calls it “the skate park.”

26. My all-time favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla.

27. I’ve had 14 body piercings. I’m currently down to 2.

28. I’d tattoo the bottoms of my feet a la Alan Rickman in Blow Dry if I wouldn’t walk it off.

29. Don’t feel bad if I don’t like your child. I hate 99.9% of all children.

30. I love the way I look when I sit “Indian style” but it’s really uncomfortable.

31. I strive to have all my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving.

32. Two of my biggest pet peeves are being late and getting lost.

33. I don’t like bacon maple doughnuts. I like bacon and I like maple bars, but not the combination of the two.

34. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m an introvert.